Road to Arcadia: the Path East

Chapter Forty-three: The Long Unspoken Thing

Kai was pretty sure he spent the next three days straight sleeping off his last week in the comfort of his own apartment. The clean sheets were politely welcoming. The sun poking through shades was friendly, but perhaps overenthusiastic. His welcome was warm, his break graciously given. Baz was polite enough not to contact him after the initial intake.

The reprieve of solitude was much needed.

Until someone knocked on his door three days in.

Kai wasn't used to getting visitors. His apartment building housed mostly R&R and otherwise single residents. The only time anyone knocked on his door was out of courtesy during early morning trainings.

He rolled out of bed, taking a moment to prop the mattress up and reveal the table underneath. The trip to the door was brief. He decided to open it without checking to see who was on the other side.

The outline of a bespectacled, curly-haired girl surprised him as much as it didn't. She wasn't in her uniform today, instead sporting the light, yellow-green linen blouse he noticed she favored. The longer sleeves seemed counterproductive to the summer air, but he had never known her to dress any different. She was nervous for reasons he had yet to discover.

Kai's words were delayed. He could only stare at her for a long moment. "Hey."

Miriam flinched. "Hey, hi. I wasn't sure if you were still around or if you were out on the job again."

"I had a few days off," he replied with a shrug. He stepped aside. "Want to come in?"

She squeezed past him and stepped inside the apartment. She kept her arms close to her, like she was afraid of taking up too much space.

Kai closed the door behind them and turned to greet her. "Welcome to my place. This is it."

"I think there's more free space here than in our place, actually." Her joke was forced, but the levity was appreciated.

"Wait 'til you see the bathroom. It's practically a penthouse suite."

They shared a soft chuckle.

"So what brings you to the lair of the white suits?" he asked light-heartedly.

Her words were delayed. She dropped her gaze before picking it back up to meet his. "I got your letters."

"And you actually read them?" he responded with a laugh. "Wow, embarrassing. I kind of forgot people actually read those things and it wasn't me just screaming to the void."

Concern creased her features. "I'm sorry. About everything that happened."

"Don't be. Please. I hate when people say that."

She wavered slightly. "It's okay to be upset about it, Kai."

"I know that," he claimed. "I'm not saying I'm not upset by it. I'm just saying that it's my problem and I can handle it."

Miriam huffed. "I can't believe after all this time you still haven't figured out that you don't have to do this on your own."

He had to resist the urge to look away. "What can I say? Old habits die hard."

A ghost of a smile crept across on her face. "I'm glad you came back."

"I didn't really have any other option," he replied, trying to cover his surprise.

"You could have stayed. I'm sure you considered it."

He stopped on the thought. "Not as much as I thought I was going to. Should I feel guilty about not considering spending more time in a place I hate just because it has some of the people I care about most in it? Is that a bad thing?"

"Only if it's a bad thing that I'm glad you didn't." She offered him a soft, bashful smile.

Something bubbled within Kai. Something that he couldn't put words to, only feelings he couldn't articulate. Whatever it was, he saw it mirrored in Miriam's eyes as well. He had to get them out. He needed to express them somehow--because if not now, when?

Shrinking the distance between them wasn't a hard thing to do in Kai's ergonomic, minimalist apartment. There was still space for her to go, but she didn't move. He rarely ever took note of the handful of inches differentiating their height until he was leaning down to meet her.

For as cold as Miriam's stares could get, her skin was warm. For as steadfast and strong her will was, she was delicate to the touch. Her skin was soft under the calloused tips of his fingers. For as closed off as she tried to be around other people, her lips were welcoming.

Kai savored the moment, but recognized its fleeting nature. He pulled away before it soured, hands hovering around the sides of her face for a few seconds longer.

"Well," he started, much too loud for the constricted space. "I hope that was okay. I was kind of assuming the things that I was feeling were the things you were feeling too, just based on the fact that we always seem to be talking around the big pink elephant in the room."

It took a moment for the shock to fade. "Oh, wow."

His heart dropped quick. "Ah, shit. Sorry, did I totally misread that?"

"No, you didn't misread that at all." Miriam's eyes turned to storm clouds. "Oh no, this is bad."

"This is bad?" he echoed. "What's wrong? Isn't the fact we both like each other a good thing?"

She shook her head frantically. "No, that's not a good thing."

There was a nagging pull in his chest, begging him to connect with her once more. "Care to elaborate?"

"It would be fine if it was, you know, a one-sided thing. I could handle thinking you were too wrapped up in your new life to--but if we both like each other that means--it's complicated. You and me. Very complicated."

He almost didn't hear her over the insistence in him. "What makes it complicated?"

"We're just--we're in very different places right now. You have your place in the R&R--which is great and you should go out and be adventurous and helpful and wonderful and--and then there's me at the hospital and taking care of Meredith. And I'll always be here and you'll always be there--" She was rambling now, spewing out words for the sole purpose of filling the space between them. "As much as we might like each other, I can't see this maintaining a sustainable, long-lasting--"

"I'm going to kiss you again."

"--Please do."

Kai complied, pulling her tight once more for a kiss on the lips. He didn't hold back this time, listening to the sharp tug in his chest that propelled him forward.

She didn't hold back, either. She pulled him in, arms snaking up his back and holding him tight.

The last time her hands had been on him like this she was stitching together a wound.

He supposed this time wasn't much different.

When they finally pulled away, they were both breathless. Adrenaline shot through Kai's limbs like a million pinpricks. He wanted this so bad it hurt.

He rested his face against hers, catching his breath. "Can we enjoy this, please? I want a moment where we're both in the same place. Can we forget how complicated this is going to be for ten minutes?"

He could feel her lips pull under him into a playful grin. "Only ten minutes?"

Kai broke out in an unflattering, bashful giggle. He pulled away, holding her back just enough to meet her gaze. "You got it, Doc."