"I Hate Him"

Alan and I met at university. It was a Bridget Jones moment. I was Renè Zellweger and he was Hugh Grant. He isn't British so I guess he would be Colin Firth. Wait, he's British too, I think?

God, the British people are taking over Hollywood. The Brits are at it again with their colonizing.

Anyways, it's a long story. A rather beautiful story. As if we ripped a scene out of a French New Wave movie.

I was in college. The good ol' Pendleton University, getting my major in Cinema Analysis. I wanted to be a film critic. I wanted to be famous. Run my own website. My own TV show.

I did become a critic but as of now, still not famous.

Pendleton was good. It was big, lots of sororities and fraternities, lots of parties, lots of football, and many bros. Around the end of my first year, there was a sort of crisis going around. Like every crisis in the world, the main reason for this crisis was also men.

You see, some of the fraternity 'bros' were getting a bit handsy. You'd walk by the cafeteria and they'd touch your breast by 'accident'. They'd 'accidentally' leave a turned on camera at the girl's bathroom. They'd 'accidentally' date rape a girl and then leave her lying at the football field for everyone to see. You know, that sort of thing. Things that bros do.

Bros before hoes.

One day, Cindy Tunie, one of my friends and a member of Kappa Pi Theta went on a date with Jerry Billings. When Cindy returned, however, she didn't remember much of the date. I am so drunk. She had said. A week later, Cindy collapsed in class and that day she found out she was pregnant.

The only catch: Cindy didn't remember having sex with anyone.

So now you can put two and two together and fill in the blanks.

That same week, Cindy (who complained to the dean by the way) was kicked out of school for being pregnant.

This sparked something in school. The girls all got together and protested. The ERA movement was going strong in the country so us ladies were excited, angry and enthusiastic. It wasn't just women by the way- our fellow male students joined as well. The band nerds, the science nerds, the social justice warriors and surprisingly the stoners. They were there, hand in hand, protesting this injustice.

That's where I first saw Alan. He had long blonde hair, blue eyes and was athletic. He was shouting with all his might when I first laid eyes on him. His brown woollen jacket was wrapped around his waist as it was a particularly hot day.

It got even hotter after I saw him.

I didn't see him for another week after that. The protest got crazy. Reporters clamoured around. Cindy was allowed back on campus. Jerry was expelled and I think, charged. The campus was ready to forget it.

I took this week to enquire more about the tall hot blondie. A week of FBI work. Asking around. Hanging outside to spot him.

I had a plan if I ever saw him again. I'd accidentally bump against him. Smile and act like a real lady. Introduce myself and then he'd surely ask me out. So easy.

If only I could spot him again.

So I waited. For another week. I was pathetic, I know but it was the 70s- leave me alone.

It wasn't until the end of that semester I saw him again. He was in the cafeteria with a bunch of other guys. His hair was cut short. To be honest, I liked it this way. The tank top he was wearing hugged his muscular body tight.

I walked up to him. Introduced myself and asked him out.

I had waited too long.

Ok I lied, it wasn't anything like Bridget Jones.