Infinite Stars

Ending Note

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Three years, 68K views, 76 chapters, 200K words, 500+ pages...

"Infinite Stars" has finally drawn its last chapter. 

When I first started this project of mine, I didn't expect it to recieve as much love and support as it did. I was a novice, still honing my craft and working on my novels and stories, a girl with a dream that seemed so far out of her reach. Writing this, no matter the long nights or the late updates or the sparse glances of sleep, has been a great comfort to me these past few years. It's healed me, in a way, and taught me more things than I'd care to admit. And now that I have grown, and have begun walking towards my own path towards my dreams and aspirations, seeing a project I've worked for so long on draw to a close is just as much bittersweet as it is rewarding.

It's weird when a dream dies...isn't it?

You worked so hard for it, strained yourself, nearly broke yourself just to achieve it and suddenly, one day, you don't believe in it anymore...or rather you can't believe in it anymore. It's as though you had woken up and are in a state of tired delusion, between the waking world and the one of dreams.

It'd be a lie to say that I didn't fashion Yen somewhat after myself in this book, for if I were to make someone to relate to each of you, I first had to have her relate to myself. And in this case, as I was writing I continued to ask myself what I would do in her situation, if I could really give up everything just for my dream. And then I wondered, why do I have to give up everything? Why does anyone have to give up anything just to achieve what they desire? 

You see, Yen was willing to give up her very soul, the things that made her so uniquely her all so she could achieve something she thought she had lost. She was willing to ignore her feelings for Taehyung, and she was willing to sacrifice her morals, what she thought was right, all so that she could live her dream. She had that drive, and that commitment to set aside everything so she could succeed. 

And as I was writing this, as I myself continued to pursue that dream, I realized that I was living within a fantasy. I thought I knew the stakes, and I thought I had dealt with the dark sides to everything. I thought I had foreseen anything that could get in my way, but I hadn't. And the funny thing is, while I could see everything that was wrong, I never let it sink in within the surface before. But once I did, I realized I didn't want it anymore. 

I still have passion and desire for the stage, that will never change, but I want it to be on my terms, I want it to be within my control, not theirs. And I realized, in order to be an artist, in order to be a star you have to accept the inevitable truth that one day, you will burn out. 

You might not realize it at first, you might live within the delusion of seeing everything only on the surface, but once things begin to sink in, once you begin to recognize the control they have over you, you'll finally realize that your flame is beginning to dwindle. 

And we've seen it happen so often within the industry, especially the kpop industry. They are worked and prodded until there is nothing left. Stuck within a cage of what their company wants from them with little to no creative freedom, just running forward because that's all they know how to do.

That's all they can do. 

And I didn't want that, I didn't want someone else to have control over me, someone else to decide what I should do, when I should be the first person to do that. 

Yen was different.

I wanted to show this world, the good and the bad parts. The exhiliration the stage gives you and the desire to perform, as well as the damages this industry can have on you. How it can break you from your very core, even if you're willing to give everything, because even that's not enough if you want to achieve that impossible dream. 

If you think about it, in some way, idols were made to be our dolls, and the industry was our own personal dollhouse. A place where we could dress them up as we like, make them do what we want, all for our enjoyment. We suck the life out of them and pretend as though it's everyone else's fault when, in reality, it is partly our own. 

And though it is beautiful, and these trainees, these idols, fight for a dream which they feel they cannot live without; it is covered with thorns made to shatter anyone who dares stray from the path that was made for them.

I wanted to do a lot with this book, but the main thing was I wanted to let all those dark things we let lie on the surface finally sink in and ask us a question that we should have thought up from the very beginning. 

"Is it all worth it?" 

And once we've finally answered that question, perhaps we can work towards a world where being an artist doesn't mean you have to choose between yourself or the stars.

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Thank you all for reading, and I hope that you enjoyed! For those of you wondering, yes, I will be making a continuation to Infinite Stars, the link for which you can find here in the comment thread. I hope that you'll continue supporting me throughout this journey to the future of this project as you have supported me thus far.

I cannot thank each and every one of you enough for taking the time to read this, as I feel it is so important that we talk about these topics more when it comes to kpop. The main reason I started this was so that we can try our best to slowly make a change, and seeing so many of you not only understand my message, but relate to it deeply on a personal level means so much to me. I can only hope that in the future we can show the same empathy to those in the spotlight as you have shown to mere characters on a page.

Once more, thank you to everyone who enjoyed reading and I hope that you'll continue to read till the very end. But until then, I'll see you soon in the next chapter of our story.

To all those who dare to dream...

Goodnight.

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08.30.23

Maple