"Even when a star dies, it gives birth to another one. It's mere existence is life and growth. One day I wish to be as infinite as the stars. To exist forever, if at least in their hearts."
When you left, you were not looking for a savior.
When he...
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"Before you can love anyone else, you must first love yourself."
There are many variations of this quote, many diverse elucidations, and interpretations. We've all heard that phrase once before in our lives. Though we may not know who said it first, or who may have introduced us to the phrase, it has been a lingering thought, a feeling every time we meet someone and our heart falls.
Do we deserve love? Are we ready for it? Can we say without a doubt that we are willing to give our heart to another when we cannot love the person who matters most?
Ourselves.
And so, as it is with anyone who has faced this challenge in love, it has found and taken root within Yen's heart.
If you were stable, if you were able to confidently say you were okay, that you had healed and were able to deal with the demons that threaten every day to break free, maybe there would be a chance for yourself to act on those feelings. Maybe you would be in a position to take the risk and throw caution to the world, to your inconceivable fate.
But you of all people understand that until you can come to terms with yourself until you are able to accept who you are and be able to grow strong and stable on your own, you won't be able to trust anyone else with your heart. You'd only be burdening him with everything you couldn't handle on your own. And he doesn't deserve that.
No one deserves that.
It's not his job to fix you, you have to do that on your own.
But just because you are aware of that, just because you understand that is what's best for the both of you, doesn't make it hurt any less. It doesn't make the emotions stirring up in your gut any less strong, nor irreparable.
So when you see him in a dimly lit studio room, you stop, enraptured at the mere sight of him. And you realize that even with all the logic, even with all your willpower, even with all the damage being with him would be; your desire refuses to be silenced.
And you tell yourself that just because you won't act on your feelings, doesn't mean you can't stay by his side.
For really, when was there a day when you could stay away?
And maybe the look in your eyes, the way you lose yourself by the mere sight of your attraction, is the reason Jungkook is unable to call out your name. Perhaps, deep inside his heart, reality has already begun to rip out a hole of cold rejected pain.
Nevertheless, as he sees that devotion, the way you light up, how your eyes only long for him, he's unable to stop you as you open the studio door. He's unable to take you by the hand and have that focus be on him for a change. He's unable to break something so precious, so rare, that it has only been a mere fantasy in a life of sacrifice and suffering.
