Her Roses & Demise

solitude

solitude
noun | sol·i·tude |
\ˈsä-lə-ˌtüd, -ˌtyüd\

: a state or situation in which you are alone usually because you want to be.
silence and solitude become my home. no- It's been with me since I was born which where I could feel peace and put me at ease. I'm not anti-social perhaps an introvert they say but for me it was all fine, because I got everything I want. the books, music, movies, cats, notes, poetries and all the things I like to do. I create my own world with walls separated from the real world. I create an electric fence that anyone who dare to cross it, would probably die. I thought that was enough to gain my own inner peace, by staying away from people. I thought I was contented surrounded by the smell of the books, the fragrance of the flower and embracing the warm and calm atmosphere, but somehow, there's still something that lacks.

love.
touch.
feeling.
affection.
happiness.

I don't really mind being alone all the time but you know what, it's tiring.

it's tiring that every day I walked out in my room, I have no one to greet me with their precious smile. I have no one to talk about all the things I love. I have no one to tell about my favorite books, favorite music and favorite movies. someone u can share for the poetries and stories I've written. someone that closer than those books I held, closer than those cats I hugged. I wanted to be loved, to be cared and to be held by someone.

I thought I was fine being alone, but after all, I'd still feel lonely.

so lonely.

06-19-21