Memories to Burn a Broken Soul

Chapter 21

April, 1994
9:32am

Sal steps between the church doors, seeing every pew full. He purposely got here late so he wouldn't have to talk to anyone. He was dressed in an FDNY shirt and jeans that were too big for him. Brian's clothes.

He hears music playing, trying to drown it out as it sounds so morbid. He spots Joe and James sitting near the front of the room, along with a few other classmates. In the first pew, right in front of the casket, Sal sees Bertha sitting with her head in her hands, an older woman's arms wrapped around her. He could see them shaking. He doesn't listen as the service begins, he just watches.

He knows the casket is just for show.

The fire had been so bad, so explosive, they found no human remains. All that had been found was a small, silver ring. A ring that was once worn by Brian's father. A ring that Sal would know anywhere.

Sal hasn't cried since he found out.

He hasn't eaten or slept either. He feels entirely numb, still not believing it's real. His mind won't allow him to believe it.

He clutches his shirt, looking up to see Brian's mom stand beside the casket holding a microphone. Sal glances around, seeing many faces he recognizes and some he doesn't. All of Brian's family, friends, a few classmates; they're all here.

Sal was so wrapped up inside his own head, he hadn't noticed Bertha motioning to him, but his attention is grabbed as he sees everyone turn to face him. Suddenly Bertha's voice penetrates his self-imposed isolation.

"Sal, please." It's Bertha talking to him through the mic. "Honey you know he would have wanted you to speak. To be here." She begs him, her voice weak from crying.

"I can't..." Sal feels his pain, his sorrow, swelling inside him.

"I can't!" He repeats, backing up and running out of the church.

With no memory of getting there, Sal finds himself on a tire swing outside the church. He feels his heart breaking.

But Sal refused to allow it.

'Brian's still alive.'

'This is all a big joke.'

'This isn't real.'

These thoughts cycle through Sal's head like a carousel. Sal sits there, willing them to be true.

His fists clench as the reality of it sets in. He suddenly stands and looks around for something to hit. His anger. His pain. All of his feelings have become too much, and Sal is desperate for a release.

Unable to find anything else, Sal looks at the tree.

'It'll do,' Sal thinks to himself, beyond caring how it will feel.

Before he realizes it, Sal is three punches in, and his hands are rapidly bleeding. He is unconscious of the face that he's been screaming.

"Salvatore!"

He hears someone scream his name. Sal doesn't care, nothing matters right now except getting these feelings out. A few more punches and he feels arms around his shoulders.

"Honey, stop!" The woman says, spinning Sal around and pulling him close. He looks up to see Bertha, tears in her eyes, with a now blood-stained dress.

"Sal..." She whispers.

That's all it took.

Sal doesn't think he's ever cried harder in his entire life. He didn't even cry like this when his mom died. He's never felt this kind of pain.

He and Bertha fall to the ground. She holds him tightly as he sobs into her shoulder. These two were affected the worst. They loved Brian endlessly, and neither of them knew how they'd carry on.

Sal only knew that his life would never be the same.

Not without his soulmate in it.