Devotion

12| Strangers again.

Part 12: From strangers to friends, friends into lovers and strangers again

Songs to listen to while reading:
Strange- Celeste
All too well- Taylor Swift

Sadness is a feeling, some of us can't experience anymore. But even if I've hardened up over the years, due to seeing my best friend Steve leave, Bucky telling me that shattered my world for a moment.

The Air was starting to suffocate me, instead of filling my lungs with life, and my eyes couldn't even realise what he said, so, not a single tear started to form, instead i was staring at him, with no answer, as his eyes were looking at something else, something behind me, I didn't even know what, I didn't bother to find out. Here we were again, me, trying to get through his walls that he built up in his 3 lifetimes, and him, making them stronger and taller. This Time i couldn't look over them, I couldn't see him anymore, only grey walls growing thicker.
The clock ticking made me nervous, almost like I was paralyzed by it.

I started to ask myself if the serum isn't only flowing through his veins but also through his heart, through his brain making him forget all the pain and happiness and love he went through once, he was resembling a dead man walking. I never Imagined us ending like this, I couldn't see what would happen in the near future as i saw the red border getting smaller and smaller, every second I regret loving him.

"I hate you! I despise you!" I spat at him, but he didn't even look at me, still fixating some other point making my anger grow even more. How can he be so fucking cold? I wanted to hit him, Cut him open with a knife until he took back what he said, with every second I took that more and more in consideration. The street lights started to flicker and I saw James now, cheeks red and eyes dead, as the border completely disappeared.

"Oh my god, guys are you okay?" I heard a Voice behind me, it was feminine, caring but my Brain shut itself out to stop the burning sensation in my chest, so I didn't bother to recognize it. The only thing burning now were Bucky's eyes, now starring in mine. I knew exactly what he thought about, going down the same path we went down before, as strangers, Invisible strings tying us together, but never enough to make us fall into each other's arms again. Strange memories of strange lovers in strange circumstances.

That's all we were now.

"Guys?"

"Im good" he spoke now, making my heart flutter, and I took a step back. He then looked at me again, hate flickering like a wildfire in his eyes before turning his back on me, making me gasp out of frustration again.

"Really barnes? That's it? Thats fucking it?!"

I still could only feel his back, making me laugh and cry out all the cuss words that flooded my thoughts, making me drunk on anger instead of sadness. When I saw him not reacting, not even breathing differently, I decided to walk away, ignoring everything and everyone that tried to stop me, my velocity growing with every step I walked. I would've died for him, I knew that. I went back until I reached my car, pulling open my door, my adrenaline rushing through my blood, as I heard loud footsteps, and turned around to get a glimpse of the interruption. It was him, screaming, but I couldn't understand a Word as I got in my car faster, started it and drove away with screaming wheels, screaming louder than my heart in pain. He ran after it, and i shaked my head as I stepped into the gas pedal faster until I couldn't see him anymore, making me happy and absolutely destroying me at the same time. Well done, supersoldier.

I drove home, ignoring every street sign, not caring about anything and drowning out the noises of the radio, not noticing it was even turned on until I heard my own name, his name and our mission, making me hit it, destroying it, like he destroyed my feelings that i openly shared with him, trusting him with them like I only trusted my mother with them, until she died. I should've buried those feelings with her.

When I finally parked my car, My phone vibrated in my jacket. Annoyed, I looked at the message, thinking it would be him apologizing, telling me to come back or even telling me he loved me, but the real message made me shed the first tear, finally.

"Don't ever contact me again."

Uhm SOO, I was in Italy for so so long, and overall im still in vacation but HERES A NEW CHAPTER!!! Lets try the song thing btw, at the end i will make a playlist to this book and their ( really) Complicated relationship.

BTW If you think theyre messy now, you should see what I've  planned for the next few chapters <<3