To Fall or Not to Fall?

Chapter 3: Chin - Facing Fears

How stupid of you, Charina Mabannag, Chin scolded herself Of course you would meet Keith again

Chin saw Keith waving at her just outside her classroom window. It just happened that the construction site beside Chin's classroom is the one where Keith is working. He did tell her that he works near her school. She waved back shyly at him.

She just can't believe that she danced impulsively at a stranger just because he is being nice. And she slobbered all over him just because he's hot. Chin started to knock her head repeatedly. She is quite embarrassed with her own behavior. Keith does not seem to mind anyway, she thought. But still..ahhhhhh! Chin slumped on her desk to hide her face, as if it would cover her shame. Her classmates are staring at her, thinking she is going crazy.

Keith returned back to his work while Chin pored over her books to distract her thoughts. However, her mind is still full of last night events. Her classmates also felt the same way.

'You know what? Henry asked me to dance! And now he...'

'We really have a blast last night. Amy and I went to...'

'I just have my first time last night! My boyfriend..'

Well, I do not have to hear the last statement. It must be kept private though. Soon, the whole school would talk about it, Chin mused. So much for high school life.

Any moment, Mitch and Jay would come in. Chin does not know how to approach them anymore. Anyway, Jay would be easier to deal with; she can simply ignore him as what he did to her throughout the years. Jay arrived a few minutes later, avoiding her eye, and proceeded to chat with his group of friends as if the past few days of 'closeness' did not happen. Chin's eyebrows only shoot up for a moment, realizing that the guy is simply uninterested in her. Ever since. She felt like her heart is being stabbed in quick successions. She thought she loved him. But then, it is only a stupid crush. A very stupid one indeed. Chin swore to herself that she will never be hurt that badly again. Then suddenly, Keith's face surfaced amidst her thoughts.

He's handsome and nice, yes. But this is not the time to think about him. Please.

However, she anticipates Mitch's arrival. Chin wanted to ask her many things, and yet she still felt nervous. She hoped that Mitch would have nothing to do with it. That is only her emotions' wishful thinking, though. To sum up, Mitch definitely has something to do with it.

Later that afternoon, Chin discovered that Mitch is the cause of everything.

Mitch did not come to class until after lunch. She looked tired, with dark circles under her eyes. Still, she approached Chin, with a serious expression on her face.

'Chin? Bes? Would you like to talk?'

A part of Chin wanted to scream 'No!', push Mitch into the oblivion and run away. However, she knew that it is wiser to hear her out. And whether she would get angry or not depends on what she will tell her.      

They went inside an unused classroom during one of their free periods. Chin noticed that Mitch clenches and unclenches her fists. This is what she's doing whenever she's nervous, Chin knew.

'Bes?' Mitch called her softly. 'Promise me you won't get angry – '

'I'm sorry. That is the only thing that I cannot promise you.' Chin cut her off mid-sentence.

'Oh, okay then.' Mitch lowered her eyes and heaved a big sigh. 'That letter. It is meant for me.'

Chin's expression turned to stone. 'Go on'

'Jay knows that the answers came from you. However, he simply asked me to thank you. He said that he is more grateful to me since I let him copy your answers. I thought that line of thinking is ridiculous but I just let him think whatever he wants. After examinations, he handed me the letter. Actually, it is more like a contract.' Mitch said 'If you noticed, the bottom is torn apart. He placed his name and mine underneath. He wanted me to sign it to make sure that I would really dance with him. Of course I would have shot him down on an instant. But I have a better idea.'

Chin knew what the 'better idea' is. But she did not interrupt. Mitch continued 'I know how much you really like Jay and I thought that I could use that opportunity to make you happy at least. So I told him that I would dance with him as many times as he wanted as long as he will address that letter to you and he will dance with you first. He argued with me at first but I am firm with my decision. I told him that at least he must show his gratitude towards you. I began to leave but then he gave in and agreed. He addressed the letter to you with 'Dear Chin' and added the contents of the 'contract'' Mitch reached something from her pocket 'Here, you could read it yourself.' She handed a torn piece of paper to Chin.

Chin could see Jay's loopy signature alongside Mitch's smaller one.  It said 'I, Jay Marc Alonzo, promise to dance with Charina Mabannag on the prom. Signed, January 27, 2004.' Underneath it, Mitch's statement is written 'I, Maria Mitchell Cruz, promise to let Jay dance with many times as long as he keeps his promise to my best friend, Charina Mabannag. Signed, January 27, 2004.'

'I see' Chin passively replied. She crumpled that piece of paper and thrown it to the nearest trash bin. 'Lesson learned. Words are wind. Letters and contracts can only do you nothing good as long as the person involved is forced.' Chin suddenly remembered Jay's cold stare when she showed him the letter. What a fool she has been. Holding on to something and discovering that it meant nothing to him. Because he already got what he truly wanted. Mitch. 'So you know, Jay did not dance with me. For him, that contract meant nothing as long as he could get you. He only agreed with you just for the sake of having you dance with him. Then later, he must have concluded that he can dance with you anyway because you already 'promised''.  Mitch simply looked down at her feet, unable to look at Chin anymore and said 'Yes, so I reminded him of the contract and he said he would dance with you soon afterwards. But then he didn't, so I let him dance with me a few more times to beg and plead with him to dance with you, to show him that I have kept my part of the contract, but to no avail.'

Chin's pride is crushing, like being bulldozed and pulverized into pieces. Beg? Plead?

'You know Mitch, that's cruel.'

'I just wanted to help you.'

'That's too cruel for me' Chin repeated 'You are not helping me that way. It was like I am so desperate to dance with Jay. Yes, admittedly, I do want to dance with Jay. And all along I thought he truly wanted to dance with me too.' Tears started to sting her eyes and blur her vision 'because of that letter. But all this time, he is just being forced.' She remembered Jay's cold gaze once again. He must have hated her for this. Having to force himself to someone like her. 'Maybe you even forced him to join the décor committee?'

'Of course not! He volunteered because...' Mitch bit her lip.   

'So,' Chin suddenly understood. She felt stupid not realizing it earlier. Everything Jay did is for Mitch. And here she is, having high and unrealistic expectations. She wiped her tears with her handkerchief 'Jay must have liked you a lot. And you know it. I guess, for ages.'

'Yes'

'Why didn't you tell me?'

'Because I do not want to hurt you.' Mitch pleaded 'Of course, it would have been a bit awkward to tell you 'Hey, Bes! You know what? Jay likes me, not you.'

'You could have told me another way. Anyway, I know he doesn't like me very much. But if I have known that he likes you, it would have saved a lot of heartbreak. No hopes would have been crushed. I would accept it without question'

Mitch held her hand but Chin shook it away. Mitch looked at her with apologetic eyes 'I know how excited you are for the prom. I do not want to ruin your happiness. All along I felt more guilty because I have hid this from you. I hoped at least Jay would keep his part of the bargain. But then it's too late.'

'It is' Chin agreed. 'It is also too late to realize that you could be this cruel.' With that, she left, leaving Mitch with her fists clenched.