Hated

After the gently kiss we both are looking shocked at each other shyly. I can't move or say something, I'm just staring at the man I like. The man I love.... The man who kissed me a few seconds ago!

The silence is embarrassing, and I can feel that Levi is nervous too.

Why is he not saying something?

" Eheem" I cough and wait for a reaction. Normally he must say now that he loves me too and that we will live together for the rest of our lives... or is this just a cliché?

" What is it...? Do you want me to say: 'I love you' ?" He raises his eyebrows.

" U-uhm.. t-to be honest, y-yes"

" I won't " he grins slightly.

" H-huh... u-uhmm.." I have a bit panic and that's why I blush extremly again.

He giggles. " Making your blush is so easy" He plays with my hair and smiles for a second. " I didn't say that I don't like you"

" B-but..." I swallow hard " w-would you... go... out with me?"

He stops playing with my hair and I can see that his eyes widened. After hesitating a bit he looks to the side and closes his eyes.

" I.. can't"

Levi's voice is suddenly so raspy and... painfull. Not painful because he rejected me... no, itself is painful. What happened? His eyes are still closed and he clinches his fist.

" Why..." I try a weak smile. " No, I know why... it's like everytime.. normally I'm used to it, but..." I hold my shirt where my heart is tightly and a few tears which I can't hold back rolls down my cheek. " ... I thought you would accept me" I said quietly.

Levi opens his eyes shocked of my reaction and want to comfort me but I stand slowly up and walk to the toilet. My heart hurts. It happened again. Like always.

I can hear his footsteps.

" Oi.... open the door" He pushes the door handle " Oh.. it's open"
He walks to me and hugs me gently from behind.

I'm still crying and try to hold my tears back but it doesn't works.

" Eren... I really like you" He pushes his face against my back and now I can feel how my back is getting wetter.
" And.... please don't think that I rejected you"

I wipe my tears away and hold his hands which are placed on my chest.

He continues. " It's just... that in the past..." He flinches and trembles a bit.

I turn around and push his face against my chest. " Levi.. you don't have to tell me it" I stroke his back gently and breath to the rythm of his heartbeat.
"I'm so selfish... it was too fast to ask you these kind of things"

" Eren...." He clings to my shirt. "I'm... so sorry" He looks up to me with the pain in his eyes which made my heart bleed.

" It's okay" I wipe his tears away, puts my head on his head gently and whisper a few times... " It's okay..."

My tears are falling on his head and his ones on my chest.... it's strange but also beautiful.

He sobs and I really hope that I can help him. What happened in his past? It must be terrible, I mean... Levi, he looks so strong and seriously but now I hold him in my arms while he's crying. His tiny body is trembeling and I can feel that he's scared.

I'll help him.... like he helped me today.

I kiss his head and we are still standing there for a few minutes, but then a knock breaks the silence.

I shock for a moment but Levi whispers quietly. " That's Mikasa, don't worry.... she won't come in"

" Maybe I should go?" ....I really don't want to.

" No!" His voice is getting louder and to my suprise he pulls me on my shirt. " Stay here..!"

" B-but why?"

" You can't go... your parents will notice it when you go home at this time... and... I don't want you to go"

Levi... you are the only one on earth who suprised me so often in one day....

I nod.. " you're right.... but what shall I do?"

" Please.... sleep here" His hopefull eyes widened a bit and he lets me go.

I'm blushing and looks in levis room.

" But you have only one bed.."

" Y-yes.... that's right" I can see how he's blushing slightly and he suddenly holds my hand.

" B-but don't you think it's not okay, if you sleep in the same bed with someone you don't love?" .... I try to hold my smile back.

" Bruh... I never said that I won't love you" He smiles warm and shy and my heart starts beating faster again.

" Geez...." I giggle and go through his hair with my fingers. " Okay.... I-I will stay this night.., but just because you begged me"

" Tch..." he chuckles too and crosses his arms. " I read it in your eyes that you wanted to stay here... and you are the one who confessed his love"

I bite my lip and blush hard... " O-okay, okay... you've won" I press his hand more and smile brite.

It's like we're a couple, and I'm pretty sure that he loves me too, but because this one thing what happened, he can't trust people so easy. Maybe I'm the only one he trusts?

Authors Note: Hey guys, sorry that I can't update so often, it's just... the school is too exhausting ;-;

And I wanted to say: Thank you so much for suporting me!! I really love youu~! <3 Arigato