Hated

After the little, or better said large incident with Levi, I didn't really pay attention to any classes and school was over in a blink.

Levi didn't looked or spoke with me, but I think I can understand it. But I really, really REALLY hope that he won't break up the contact with me...maybe he will talk tomorrow to me again. I hope so.

I'm on my way home, thinking about what I should do when I'm there. It's very important that I don't make any mistakes in front of my 'parents'.

They don't want to speak with me or something. They just want me to be in my room. My Mom only makes food for my dad. When I'm hungry I try to go to the kitchen at night when they are asleep.

One day my dad saw me when I wanted to make a sandwich and yalled extremly loud at me. He said I should search my food on the street or I should have a job. He punched me, he kicked me... he took my sandwich and throw it away. I fainted and he let me on the cold floor.

I hate them but I'm so scared to say or to do something. I know they would kill me if I would go to the police, so I have no choice... I must stay there. Running away? They have their men everywhere in the city.

I open the door and go in, walk to my room and close the door behind me. My room is okay. I have a bed and a little place for my few clothes and I have a little bathroom.

Jumping on my bed, I hear footsteps.

" Eren"

My dad. What does he want from me? This can't be a good thing.

" Y-yes?" I stand up and walk to the door, but don't open it.

" I need money for my cigaretts, give me yours"

" B-but this is a-all I have!"

" I don't care, come out and give it to me, or I'll... you know"

He is so mean. This is the money I got when I worked for a few days in a shop. I need it to buy food. But if I keep resisting ...he will punch me.

" B-but I... can't b-buy food without money" I'm trembeling extremly. I shouldn't have said that.

" Do you want to say that you won't give it?"

I have goosebumps... I can feel how he is smiling and his breath is getting faster.

I swallow.

" You..-"

"N-No, I-I'll give it.." I have no choice. Walking to my bag, I take the money and open slowly the door. I look in his ugly face which is full of scars and dirt. I have scars too, but just because of them.

" That's the right choice" he takes the money and suddenly slaps me. I fall down and the only thing I can feel now is the pain in my face.

" The next time you won't hesitate, do you understand me?"

I nod slightly and he walks away.

My face is swollen and I feel dizzy but I don't want to cry.. crying means that you're weak, and my real mom always said that I have to be strong.

I stand up, close the door, sits on my bed and take the blade which is under my bed. I didn't wanted to do this again, but... it sucks. My life sucks. Everything sucks!

I go trough my flesh with the blade and watch the blood. It flows so beautiful and drips on my lap. I feel better. The blood which is dripping take the pain from my heart with it.

Why am I still here? I don't want to live anymore.. to be honest I never wanted to live since this people toke me with them. I should kill me. Now. No one will be sad or mad at me. I can do this.

I want to cut my vein on my hand. Then I'll be free. Free from this world.I can be together with my real parents now ...yeah... that's right.

Bye world....