Half Of My Soul

Ch. 3

POV: Jude

UGH WHY IS EVERYTHING SO COMPLICATED!!!!! 

Lets start from about a week ago.

after my talk with El, I decided that this Lennon thing wasn't the best of choices. So obviously I broke it off with her and lets just say it wasn't ideal...

"Are you fucking kidding me Jude?" 

"Lennon you knew me before we even started seeing each other, you knew how this worked." I tell her in a dull tone.

"I thought I was different, I thought we were different." She says slowly trying not to let her tears fall. 

"I don't know what you want me to say, this just isn't working anymore sorry."

Then I walked away as fast as I could. Well there goes another one. I've never been good at relationships so it's expected that they all fail. 

Each time one fails I always get the same lecture from Elena. "You need to stop getting into relationships if you know you're gonna end up hurting them. That's not fair to them or you." And so on. She's right. She's always right. God I love her. But it's not that simple. It never is. Every time I think about her in more then a friendship kind of way her voice gets stuck in my head saying that same lecture. And that is the only time I will listen. El is just too important to break. 

She means so much to me, in every possible way. If I broke her I would feel absolutely terrible. 

*flash forward to 1 hour before right now*

"Oh come on Jude, you really said that to her?" El says with a judgmental look on her face. 

"What was I supposed to say?"

She doesn't say anything. Boom I'm right

"And to be fair I could've said some way more harsh things."

"I can not believe you." She says while were slightly laughing.

"Its fine anyway, she'll get over it and I have you so we'll all be fine." As I say the last part Elena's face drops but she quickly recovers hoping that I didn't see the look on her face. I did El you aren't slick.

I wish I just came right out and told her how I felt. But I know myself. I know my patterns. Once t starts getting too serious and before I'm too far in I'll leave. Quickly. As fast as I possibly can. And I can't be like that to her. 

POV: Elena

Do you want to know what the worst feeling is? Being in love with someone, who's your best friend and you know it will never work not only because you're best friends but because he's incapable of loving someone. He's incapable of the love that you want and need. He's so perfect to you, for you. But he's so unreachable. Unattainable. It hurts more then live itself. It completely breaks you and you have to act like it's fine. Like you're fine. When in all reality, you're completely shattered. 

POV: Jude

"You good El?"

"Yeah I'm fine, why?" She says looking confused. 

"Nothing just wondering." 

I knew she was lying. I couldn't say anything. What would I've said, "Oh yeah right, I know you're lying because I'm in love with you and I know everything about you but it can't go any further because I'm scared of committing to anyone." Yeah that would've ended well.

So back to where we began.

UGHHH I LITERALLY HATE EVERYTHING!!!!