Half Of My Soul

Ch. 2

POV: Jude

Sometimes it comes all of a sudden. I lose my motivation, I don't want to get out of bed. It's just so much work to live. And my stress over the soccer season doesn't help with my thoughts either. 

I've always had these types of episodes. When I was younger I didn't know how to handle it. So of course my parents just said that I was a bad kid who lashed out. Since I've gotten older I have came up with ways to help my depressive moods. Sometimes I take a shower or play video games, I just try and find things to distract my thoughts. 

I don't think my parents understand the full extent of how bad it gets. They can tell when I start to act different. But they don't acknowledge it. I guess they have their own issues to worry about.

The only person who understands is El. She helps me so much during my lowest lows. When I can't sit down and do my homework she always helps. When I have panic attacks in the middle of the night she's always there to comfort me. She is my rock. I wished she knew all the things I admire about her and how much she's helped me.

*at 12 am*

"El I can't breathe." I struggle saying the words.

"Hey it's okay. Everything will be okay. Let's just breathe, ok?" She asks at the end.

As we breathe and I start to calm down, I want to tell her how great she is. I don't know how to put into words how I feel about her. 

She continues to calm me down by asking about random things.

"So how's it going with Lennon?" She asks.

"It could be better you know." I sigh at the end of my statement.

"Do you want to talk about it?" She asks.

"I just kinda feel like we're stuck. And I'm not really happy anymore. But i'm just really comfortable and I feel secure with her. I just don't want to lose her because I'm scared of losing that comfort." I rant.

"Well I am a firm believer in not staying with someone solely because you're scared or because your relationship is comfortable. You need to do what's best for you, and you alone." She says.

Elena has always been good at giving advice. That is one of her best qualities.

"That really helped El, thanks." I say genuinely meaning. 

"Anytime Juddy." She smiles so big after calling me the nickname she knows I hate.

She is truly one of my best friends. I don't know what I would do without her. 

POV: Elena

I hate to see him hurt. It's the worst feeling in the world. I'm split between wanting to cry because I feel like I can feel his pain and wanting to take the pain from him. I know his depression is something that he just doesn't want to talk about but it hurts me so much seeing him hurt like this. 

He's like a giant thunderstorm. Calm when all the chaos is happening yet it's dark and gloomy. I want the darkness to stop but it's so hard when it's so entrancing. And no one else see's the full effects of the after storm. 

Thunderstorm

Your brain is like storm

No happy thoughts can form

I would take the pain if I could

You feel so misunderstood

I'll show you my heart

Show you my brain

Show you so you know

You're not alone

You're worth so much

I wish you knew

But you just stay in your storm

Sad and gloomy

And I'll try and be your umbrella 

Ti amo tempesta, per sempre bella 

(I love you storm, forever beautiful)

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Hey y'all!! I really hoped you liked this chapter, I'll try and post as regularly as I can. I really don't want to just skip over Jude's mental health issues so i'm gonna try to write more about it. I think it's really important to talk about and I hope you guys got a better look into his character and Elena's role in his life. I also hope I didn't like downplay his emotions and symptoms. If any of y'all are going through anything similar to Jude or just going through anything in general I would love to hear about it and talk to you about it so don't be shy to comment or post in my conversations on my profile. See y'all next time!!

xx

bells