A Spoon Of Suga

U

"So you've thought about yesterday's poem?... Aren't you going to write it down in your journal?"

"No I can't" I bit down on the end of my pen as I stare down at my blank journal page. I've been stuck inside this inescapable tundra called writer's block.

My brain is not even computing through any farts as I'm constipated with depressing insecurities.

"What now? You're gonna give up aren't yah? So much for wasted potential." He kept mumbling yet I just set my pen down, silently looking up at the ceiling.

"Listen I can't watch you do this anymore. I'm gonna be back when I see that spark in your eyes" He says trying to leave but I just don't care anymore.

"Why are you keeping me here? Let me go! I want to go Mina!" He yelled yet I just give up, closing my eyes, and prayed that he's gone to his place.

Finally it's quiet, not silent as I can still hear the noise pollution outside and slight buzzing inside my room.

I went out to open the window and let the baby sun cradle it's light gently upon my window sill. It's a beautiful morning and as I watched people walk to places from my apartment, I simply relaxed and eased myself.

The chill winds just tease my skin and comfort my loneliness. Sometimes natural silence supports you more than what your friends ever could.

Even for my muse.

"Seriously?!" He yelled behind me and instead of saying anything more he just walked right beside me, "You owe me something after yesterday."

"What? I owe you for lending me a shoulder when I needed someone there? You do charge extra?"

"Hey I didn't want to do that and you forced me into such a situation. Let me get something out of it too." He pouted cutely.

I patted down his head because of his sudden adorableness. "You have no tact do you?" He simply shakes my hand away and he goes to the opposite direction.

I follow him to the kitchen and I see him sitting down on the table in silence. His head turned, facing away from me and his eyes deeply invested to the table than our conversation.
But this might be his way of coping with his stress before he could respond back to me.

"Well, I never did. Especially when it comes to you, Mina, the Tactless Empress."

"Ugh, you never give up bothering me with terrible words huh?"

"Then why? Why do you bother having me around Mina? I can't do much as I'm just a part of you essentially and yet you still give me the life and energy to reach out to you. But you do nothing to change yourself that much. So why? Why keep me around when I just make you miserable?"

"I don't know Suga. I seriously don't know." I end because I felt my heart beating faster at this moment and I know that if he knew about this, he would nonstop tease me about my feelings.

The artist falling for their muse. What a cliché unhealthy love story.

I made coffee and I look at Suga to see him smile at me. Although I know he can't have the coffee, I still make an extra cup for him to sip on. He complains because he knows that cup is useless, but these habits of mine grew overtime. I couldn't fight him off because he was addicting to keep around me. A way to cope with the stresses that killed me on a daily process.

I've been working as a cleaning maid for clients and I barely make the wage to afford anything substantial for myself, much less buying things that are pretty is useless. I invest more time in writing, yet I've kept this pen and journal for a while. Barely writing anything in it so I can scrap up writing meaningful words down.