Who will I choose? -and- Who will I lose?

Chapter 14

It's been 3 months since me and jake started dating and I love him to death but my dog mocha has gotton sick and Is getting skinnier and skinnier and she's pukeing up blood and she can bearly eat and now she can bearly walk she has been sleeping in the basement and I tell her night and I love her every night and that she is the awesomest dog ever and I keep praying that she will get better but she's not and I have had her like my whole life and I can't lose her she has been there through every thing when my mom and dad got a divorce when my grandma died when my mom went to jail when my mom went to jail my dad wasn't really there for me his gf was a little bit but it was mostly mocha and now I might lose her I can't I just can't that night I went to say night to her and I picked her up and i put her on the couch just kinda had a feeling mocha wasn't gonna make it throught the night but I pushed it away and said night mo mo I love u ur the best I kissed her and said I'll see you in the morning and I almost corrected myself and said maybe but I didn't the next day...
My dad comes into my room this morning and tells me mocha died I hop out of my bed run downstairs and I see her laying there motionless I just started crying I dropped to my knees and just kept sayin/yelling mocha please wake up please get up please please god don't let this happen to me and I couldn't stop crying I can't handle this I went to school and acted like a zombie and then I went to church that night and acted the same way til my friend Alex walked up to me and he knew something was wrong and he kept asking me what was wrong and I finally told him...and he just gave me a really tight hug and said everything will be fine and I said okay and then I went home and cried myself to sleep and I keep thinking that it's my fault Cuz maybe I should've done more to try and save her... maybe if I would've just stayed down there that night maybe I would've been able to save her but I didn't I feel like she hates me Cuz I didn't try hard enough, or what if she doesn't think I love her or what if she thinks I hate her for leaving me... I can't handle this I can't stop crying I don't know what to do I've lost one of the most important people in my life even though she was a dog not a person I just wanna see her again I miss her