Even Birds Have Songs

11. But I Do

*Hazel*

"Well, well. Look what we have here." Jack said.

"What?" One guy asked.

"I don't see anything." Another one stated, looking all around.

"That's right," Jack started, "Because there IS nothing there." He
smirked. The rest of them laughed.

"What the hell is your problem?" I asked. They all looked around, as
if they were looking for a sound, but couldn't find it.

"Well, we better get moving." Jack said to the gang. "I don't like to
being in the forest around DIRT too long." He emphasized dirt looking
right at me. They all scoffed and walked away, a few of them
purposefully bumping shoulders with me.

After they were gone, I immediately ran down to the river. I looked at
my rippled reflection in the water as tears fell off my chin.  What is
their problem?! They don't even know me!

~.~
(One year earlier)

January 19th
As I'm writing this, I'm sitting alone, yet again, in a basement of a
Library.  I'm at a college for a Debate tournament in down town Erie,
and one of our competition buildings on the college campus is a
library.  I found out it has a basement, and there's an archives
section in the far back corner. I found, in the verrrrrrrry far back,
an opening, and behind there is a door. I'm sitting on the floor
leaning against some concrete looking at the door, because its locked.
Today was horrible.
I haven't talked to Allen in so long. The last time I saw him was at
the play I was in, but he never even talked to me. Before then, at Mr.
Dupree's surprise birthday party. But we only talked for five minutes,
and it was about his house! It was so depressing. Ever since his house
burned down, he hasn't been the same! I know it was bad, and it was.
But things aren't the same. Its as if Allen, the REAL Allen who I knew
and loved died in the fire. Now only his body remains, but an entirely
new person is left. And not the person it should be.
Today, I tried to sit with him at his table with Ella Dupree, Laura
Brooks, Jeremiah Brooks, and Mike Farther, but I was just an outcast.
No matter how many times I tried to start a conversation, I was left
out.  After a few hours of trying, I just left. I tried to go to
James, but he's ignoring me too! I went and hugged him and started to
cry, but he didn't say anything, or do anything. I tried to talk to
him, but he didn't want to be seen with me in public, so I ran. Then I
went, found this corner, and cried for a bit.
I'm always alone. And it sucks. I don't have anything to look forward to.
~Hazel

March 3,
Why!!! Why does everyone have to hate me!!! Jack Burks started out
to be such a nice guy. He wrote my debate cases for me, he was really
cute, he hung out with me, talked smack about some TP'ers, he even
went to hang out with me, and we were acting like goofs dancing in
circles and screaming about bananas! Then he had to ruin it by
"secretly" talking to a friend, when I was in HEARING DISTANCE, about
how I was going to fail my first debate round tomorrow morning. WHAT
THE HECK. Twenty minutes ago, he said how amazing I would do, how good
it would be! Screw him.  I got so ticked off that I ran away from
them. I went and hid. Guess who helped me hide? James. It's the first
time he said two words to me since January. Basically what happened,
was after the tournament, I told him that he can't be friends with me
in private and ditch me in person. And we never talked after that. He
just left. But then he decided to help me hide from Jack. I think its
because he felt bad.  But now here I am, hiding behind a building at
night writing by the light of a light pole hidden behind some bushes.
Alone. Again.
~Hazel

March 29,
Everything sucks! Everything. Right now, I'm sitting on the roof of
our tourney building, just finished crying my eyes out again, while
every flipping person here, including the parents, are gossiping about
"Hazel Murray".  Seriously... Its depressing how messed up and false
some of this stuff can be! ... Last night Charlotte's mom flipped out
cause she heard something from someone saying I was going to hurt
myself!!!! So Charlotte freaked out and ran to go find me. Such a
crappy day. THEN I went to go talk to Jack, but some kid, I think his
name was Gil? Who was hanging out with my little sister, called me a
bloody rooster. By "accident".  Then I immediately ran away crying,
and came here to the roof. I was crying and singing. And it was the
same thing as last year, the year before, and the year before that. I
sung a song, and it went like this;
"Who will love me for me? Not for what I have done or what I will
become, but who'll love, me for me? because nobody has shown me what
love, what love really means."
I don't think anyone could love me.  Allen is spreading rumors around
to everyone saying I lied about him telling me he liked me last year
in Portland. I didn't! He said it to my face! But it was only me and
him there. And everyone likes him, and everyone hates me. So no one
believes me except Charlotte. But she still ditches me sometimes.  I'm
always by myself. I just need a friend!!
~Hazel

~.~

All the events of my life from last year started flooding into my
head, and I couldn't help but sob. Jack was a jerk, and so are his
friends. I shouldn't care what they, or anyone else says! But I do ...
A lot.

***