How We Ended

Closure?

It was late at night, and my friends and I went to our friend's house to mourn for her late mother. After that, my friends talk about random topics, and later on, my best friend chats with me and asks how I am; after reading the message, I look at her and tell her that I am fine. But I know she knows I'm not. She is well familiar with me. Our friends catch us chatting even though we're in the same place, and it all starts when they mention what happened to me and Lois. My best friend's eyes are worried and questioning, I assure her that I'm fine knowing that she's worried because she knows that bringing up what happened hurts me.

Our friends keep asking what happened to us, why we didn't end up together, and I'm not sure what to say, so I get up from my chair and go outside to calm down. While I'm still outside, I'm chatting with my best friend, who told me she'll ask Lois my questions on my behalf. "It's very important for you to be happy," my best friend said at the time, and it made me smile because I knew she always wanted the best for me and that she was always by my side when I needed her.

Later, when I get home, I have no idea what they're talking about. Even though I am now at home, my thoughts are still with them, particularly Lois. With our past brought up, I had this desire to tell Lois how was I am feeling for her because, at the time, I believed that was the only thing that could free me from one-sided pain. It took me almost 3 hours to have the courage to chat with her beginning with saying that I messaged her to help myself and saying sorry when I'm being unfair and unfaithful to her, making her feel out of love and as if she has no chance. Because I'm afraid of what she'll reply, I went to bed immediately after sending my message.

The next morning, I awoke late, and as soon as I opened my eyes, I grabbed my phone to check for updates, and there she replied. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to feel at that point because she wants me to keep doing what I've been doing to her and not avoid her. What hurts me, even more, is that she said that she still has feelings for me despite having someone else.

Mahal pa rin naman pala natin ang isa't isa pero bakit ganeto ang nangyari satin? We ended hurting each other.