How We Ended

Hindi naging tayo but it's been 4 years and I'm still here loving you.

It's been a long time since we first fell in love, but the details of when, where, and how we met are still fresh in my mind. We are classmates and friends just like everyone else. She had a complicated relationship with another girl, which she wished to forget. When she asked me to help her pretend that we liked each other when the girl was around, our classmates-friends relationship became complicated. Of course, I refused because someone's courting me at that time, and I didn't want to hurt her. Even though I told Lois (my classmate-friend) that I didn't want to do it, she continued to pretend.

As the days pass and we are always together, I began to like her, even though I know I shouldn't because JM is waiting for me and is the one I am supposed to love. That's why I decided to put an end to my feelings for Lois, and I'm glad I did. Thanks to my school activities, I was also able to stop JM from courting me because I didn't want to waste her time.

I'm not sure if fate is playing a joke on me because when I no longer have feelings for Lois then she admits that she has feeling for me. I'm not sure if I was numb during those times because I didn't know how she felt about me or because I was just trying to forget about how I felt about her. I didn't want to believe her at first because I knew she has someone else, and I didn't want my feelings for her to return, so I was scared.

She asked if she could court me, but I declined because I was afraid at the time. I expected her to stop after the rejection, but she persisted in asking, and it was at that point that I agreed, not because I wanted to, but because I was forced to.

I'm not sure when I felt it again, but I was aware that my feelings for her were gradually returning over the days. After a month of courting me, I found out that she was having second thoughts about whether she would continue or not. Consider the pain; I'm just trying to see if she can wait and if she's really determined with me but it doesn't seem like that.

Even though it was very chaotic, she kept going and we were okay. We had a lot of fun together at school and in the evenings and weekends when we talked on chat. That's when I decided to say yes on her birthday, but fate has a funny way of working things out. I believe we are happy together, but I catch her chatting with the other girl behind my back, and she has no idea that I already know. Despite my fear of being hurt, I had the courage to ask her if she still loves the other girl, and I was not surprised when she replied, "Yes, I still love her." That was the first time I was hurt because I knew I loved her, but she's still loving her past.

It's been two weeks since I asked her and things between us become unclear. We haven't spoken in a long time and act as if we don't know each other, even though we are friends and classmates. Her birthday arrives, and due to the events of a few weeks ago, my plan to say yes falls through.

Day after day things become more unclear and this time it's my fault. I kept chatting with JM, the girl who courted me before Lois and spent every Sunday with her. I realize I'm being unjust and that this is an act of betrayal toward Lois, but I felt more at ease spending every Sunday with JM because I get nervous whenever I think about spending time with Lois.

Even though we had done something wrong to each other, Lois and I were still fine. The courtship continued, and we had a good time along the way, but something happened again, which I discovered on my own. She's courting someone else behind me while she's courting me. I kept it to myself, expecting her to say she had already stopped courting me because we had agreed that if she couldn't wait any longer, she would tell me so, but that never happened.

I was still waiting for her to inform me that she had stopped courting me two months before our moving up, but I had not heard anything, so I let them do what they wanted. They are already together but Im still here loving Lois. Then there are times when I think of her and realize she's happy with someone else, so I keep telling myself that I'm happy for them. But I know I've been lying to myself by pretending that seeing her with someone else makes me happy.

4 years have passed, and I'm still curious as to why she didn't inform me that she had stopped courting. And perhaps that is why I am still stuck on her.