One direction hurt/sad/sick fics - niall and harry centric

losing him (part 1) - Louis

IM ALIVE WFOWEUFBWEJVBKWV

!!!!trigger warning: self harm, eating disorders, swearing!!!!

a larry and lowkey a niam one shot. Hope you don't mind!

xx

It was never this bad. Never. The first time Louis heard of self harm was from harry. Harry used to cut back in 2008-2009, before the band. That was the reason why he was always wearing bracelets, in order to hide his scars.

He never thought he would do it, or even think of doing it to himself. But apparently time changes everything.

Now it was a dead end. No matter what he does he still can't shut his mind down and resist the urge. One day he cuts, the other day morning he thinks he can go clean again but than at night it all goes down hill. 

It was that one day when it all went completely down and he couldn't get up. A cold April day. The boys had a concert and they were at the backstage. Niall hanging out with Liam, Zayn on phone with Gigi, Harry on the couch staring at Louis and Louis sitting next to Harry, staring at the wall trying a way to not make it visible that he was panicking. 

Harry would notice, he always notices.

And just as Louis thinks of that Harry asks "You okay Lou?"

Louis quickly looks at harry and mumbles a quick yes. Harry doesn't look convinced but lets it go anyway. 

After some minutes, Louis isn't sure how much as he was zoned out the whole time, someone from their management team comes in. "You are up in 15 boys"

They all nod and go back to what they were doing before. Louis still trying to calm his nerves. 

He is playing with his bracelets, Harry notices. They are his bracelets though, from when he used to cut. There are exactly 15 of them, covering his wrists. He said it reminds him of harry when he is alone but it looks suspicious, especially to Harry, as he used to do the same. He knows Louis won't admit it if he asks so there's no point of doing so. 

Before Louis can even comprehend what's happening, "Story Of My Life" starts playing. 

Harry and Liam starts singing: 

"Written in these walls are the stories that I can't explain

I leave my heart open but it stays right here empty for days"

Then Zayn, and it's Louis' turn. 

" And I'll be gone, gone tonight
The ground between my feet is-" He suddenly notices he is singing the wrong lyric. "burning bright" he continues with the rest of the correct lyric and feels tears come up to his eyes.

The concert goes on and it's the last song. 

After that they are in the backstage with their management looking at them furiously, especially at Louis, he notices. 

"I can't believe you Louis" he looks down and fiddles with his bracelets. Harry rubbing his back soothingly. 

"WE'VE BEEN PRACTICING THIS FOR YEARS AND YOU MESS UP!? WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?" Louis lets a few tears fall and mumbles a sorry. "YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE JUST A SELFISH, WORTHLESS FAG AND A WHALE WHO DOESN'T DESERVE ANYTHING" the management yells and gets out. Zayn, Niall and Liam go after him while Harry runs after Louis who is going to the car as quick as possible. 

Harry gets in to the car and hugs Louis as tight as possible. "You know that what he said is far from the truth right LouLou? You deserve everything in this world" Louis doesn't say anything just looks at his hands. Harry doesn't mind though. They hear inaudible yelling and then 3 people step into the car. they were yelling at the management, Louis guessed. 

The boys try to talk to Louis for the whole ride but they gave up after a few minutes when Louis didn't respond. 

10 mins to the way back home and Louis opened twitter. He went through some fan tweets and before he knew it they were home. 

The minute they stepped in to the house Louis excused himself quietly to go to the bathroom. He sat down on the floor and stared at the floor. He hugged his stomach feeling self-conscious.

After a few minutes, he couldn't take it. He reached for the toilet and purged. He couldn't throw up everything he ate but at least he threw up a little of it. When he was done he flushed the toilet and washed his hands and went to his room silently. 

In his room he locked the door and sat down next to it. He grabbed the razor which was in a box next to where he was sitting. He quickly grabbed a paper and a pen and wrote a letter. He couldn't leave without saying goodbye to Harry. He scrabbled some sentences, filling up the whole paper and folded it. He wrote "To my sun, Hazza. Sincerely Louis xx" to the folded piece of paper and put it to the front of the door from the little space between the floor and the door. 

When he was done he sat down and took the bracelets off and laid them on the floor, next to him.

 Louis watched as a red liquid trailed down from his wrists. 

"I love you haz" he whispered and soon the dark was all he could see.

After 20 minutes or so the sound of the door breaking was heard. 

And a scream following it. "LOUIS".

It was Zayn. 

He could only let out a scream when he saw his best friend on the floor with blood running down his wrists, making little lakes of blood on the floor. 

Three other footsteps were heard and a person falling to their knees. 

Harry was on his knees, sobbing without actually believing this happened, the letter Louis left on his lap. Liam and Niall hugging each other as Niall struggled to stay still. Liam, being the daddy of the group, was quietly sobbing but actually focused on looking okay for the sake of his best friends. 

Zayn on the other side of the bathroom, hugging his knees and staring at Louis' blood-covered body without feeling anything really.

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Hi guys! Im so sorry i didnt update lately. I've been proper busy with 8th grade and all that shit. 

I will update part two as soon as possible! 

Stay strong and take care of yourself. Im so so proud of you and i love every single one of you. (I'm 10 days clean (: )

Bye for now my fellow queer folks :) <3333