Hamilton Song Fics DISCONTINUED

Lams - Immortal

A sequel to my fic "May I Have This Dance"

It's years later and John is dead and Alex is missing his lost lover.

Only really inspired by the above song, "Immortal" by Reinaeiry.

Alex never got used to it. 

It didn't matter how many lovers he took over the years, he never got used to rolling over and finding a cold, empty bed once they were gone. And of course, John hadn't been like the others. 

He lay there staring at the space John used to lie in forlornly for a moment before heaving himself out of bed. There was a message from Lafayette that simply read, "10 am", meaning that if he hadn't replied by then, Laf was coming over to check on him.

Alex scrubbed a hand over his face and texted back a thumbs up, not having the energy for anything else. He glanced at his reflection in the hall mirror reflexively, glancing away almost immediately.

When he realised that he had seen John over his shoulder he did a double-take and looked back, not surprised to see it was just his imagination pulling a cruel trick on him. Of course, knowing it wasn't real didn't stop his heart from beating so fast that he almost felt alive again.

Of course, his heart didn't really beat, but he pretended it did sometimes, pretended that one day it would stop and he'd go to John. However, the mirror did confirm that a shower was desperately needed. 

He went to the bathroom and turned on the shower, leaning heavily on the counter as he waited for the water to heat up. He gazed into his own eyes, heavy with grief, as he recalled a conversation from years ago.

"Turn me," John begged, grabbing Alex's hands to stop him from leaving. "Don't make me leave you alone, please. Let me be like you, let me stay with you forever."

Alex ripped his hands away and stared at John. "You'd hate me," he confessed in a whisper.

"Never," John swore. "I could never."

A sad smile made its way onto Alex's face and he let out a mirthless laugh. "If you really want to be turned then you have to ask someone else," he responded. "I can't do that John, not to you."

John placed a hand on his face and forced Alex to look at him. "But you'd do it for someone else?" he asked, hurt.

Nuzzling into the palm on his cheek, Alex replied, "If I turned you, I would be your sire, and a vampire always feels a kind of connection to their sire that makes them vulnerable to anything they ask. I couldn't have that and have you the way I have you just now."

John nodded unhappily and dropped the subject. 

'I wish I'd turned him.'

The thought ran through Alex's head on a loop. 'I wish I'd given into that one wish of his. He never asked for anything, and the one thing he did ask for I refused. God, what kind of monster am I?'

Blinking, Alex snapped out of his head and walked into the shower as if on autopilot. He went through the motions of washing without really thinking about it, too caught up in thoughts of John.

When he stepped out of the shower he toweled off and then went to the kitchen. His cat was pacing back and forth at the door, mewing. He opened the door for her, letting her run into the garden.

It was still quite dark out, not really surprising considering at it was seven in the morning in mid-December. He stepped outside, the sharp tang of dew hitting him hard.

Alex took a deep breath, the scent reminding him of John, and how he'd always loved sunrise. He remembered fondly all the mornings that John would drag him out of bed to sit on the roof together and watch as the sun rose over the city.