letters to my lover | Park Jeongseong of Enhypen

Letter 1

To Strawberry Boy,

Hi! It's me, Michaela. Not that I ever told you my name but I'd like you to know it now.

You might be wondering why I'm writing this to you now, six years after we met. Do you even still remember me? Your Blueberry Girl? Of all the important people in my life, why is my first letter to you, a boy I knew for four weeks, five years two months and three days ago?

My therapist says trauma makes you forget things. 'It's a way to cope with damage to your psyche.' She says that's probably why I can't remember your childhood. That's fine with me. There's nothing I want to remember from my childhood, really, except you.

It was a cruel night when the boy in the bedazzled strawberry jacket first threw rocks at my window. Practising your throw for baseball, you'd said. You don't even play baseball. You hadn't thought anyone would be in the room because all the lights were turned off. As if that's a perfectly good reason to be throwing rocks at someone's window.

"Do you want to run away?" you asked.
"What?"
"Just for tonight."

So I ran away in the middle of the night with the boy who'd be the reason I changed my life forever, the boy who'd become nothing but a memory I never wanted to lose, my first and last love. I ran away in the middle of the night with you.

It's hard to recall all the things we did in those nights. We were beautiful and reckless in the yellow glare of the street lights. Maybe it's time that's fading my memory of you, maybe it's the alcohol. I really hope i'm not forgetting you with time because that would mean you're becoming a smaller part of my life by the day. I don't want that.

It's 2024 and i'm still haunted by the circumstances that led me to lose you. I still wish every day that we'll see each other again, like you promised we would.

I'd give anything to go back to December 2018. I'd give anything to go back to when I was yours.

Love,
Always and Forever,
Your Blueberry Girl
(a.k.a. Michaela Yoon)