If I Can Love You, Why Can't You? - A Werewolf Novel

If I Can Love You, Why Can't You? - Chp 10 [If I Can't Have You]

If I can't have you, then I don't want anyone/If I can't have you, then all the damage has been done/Baby, you can break these rules/If you wanna have some fun/Think of all the love that you will lose/If I can't have you~Kelly Clarkson - If I Can't Have You

I spent the next couple days moping around. Dad had work so as long as I stayed in bed until he left I was safe and went unnoticed. It felt so wrong to ache for him when he had hurt me so many times, this aching and feelings I held for him scared me and I wished Will shared similar feelings so than we could figure it out together. Yet he had no intentions of there being a 'together' in his mind. And although I knew the safest thing for my heart to do was to move on, was to forget all and to push him aside but I couldn't and that aggravated me more.

It turned out to be impossible to read after that, I was constantly busy and when I wasn't busy I was daydreaming of a certain person who wanted me to read. I'll also admit I was tentative, he was urging the book on so much and I wasn't sure why. It was worrying me, I wouldn't be so skeptical if he hadn't been so adamant. What happens if I miss the message in it? Will he think I'm stupid and pathetic? It was hard not to worry about it or not think of Will when I was in my room; the painted wall was enough of a reminder let along the slight scent of him. It was slowly fading, the pain scent over powering it. It'd been two days since painting it but there still was the slight scent of fresh paint. Will's musky and woodsy smell was comforting though, it smelt like rain, a smell I loved.

It was Friday night when I finally decided to crack open the book. My room was already spotless; I'd even unpacked all my boxes that I wasn't going to unpack just to avoid it. I'd even begun studying for my final exams for schooling which would start as soon as the holidays ended. I was desperate and yet now I was left with no other distraction.

Sighing in defeat I jumped onto my bed. It was as my fingers went to turn the brown tinted page that was crumbled and creased when dad knocked, I jumped.

"Phone squirt." He said peering in as he held the phone out.

"Thanks." I said picking it up. "Hello?" I spoke anxiously into the phone.

"Half an hour at the Cruise."

I sighed in relief "Kay, see yas there Jacks." I said hanging up afterwards.

As much as I wanted to hear Will, I didn't want to hear his voice full of disappointment about me still being on the acknowledgments page.

♥

"So, has dad met Will?" Brooke asked across from me in the booth.

"No, he doesn't know. I don't know how to begin. And it's never really arranged, it's always unexpected visits." I admitted. The girls gigged wriggling the eyebrows. "Shut up!" I whined over the music. They giggled. "It's not that way anyways." I said out loud unsure whether it was to convince them or me.

"What do you mean?" Brooke asked as if us not being a couple was absurd.

I grimaced sulking some more as I sunk further into my seat "I dunno...He-he just..." I groaned lost for words "One second it's like he want me than next second I revolt him." I said flicking my empty glass avoiding their eyes.

"Awww Tanze's falling in love with a bipolar." Jacks said fluttering her eyes in a daydream that made me smile, as she'd aimed. We all burst out into loud laughter causing glances from people even though the music was beating wildly through the walls and floors.

Eventually we sobered up "But seriously do I have to kick some ass?" she asked looking serious as she pretended to crack her knuckles. Brooke rolled her eyes and I giggled.

"No! Look it doesn't matter." I lied.

"Come on, dance! Smile! Forget Willie boy!" Jacks urged grabbing my hand and pulling me out.

We were out at the Cruise, a local party place with a bar and food and music, for the young guys. Underage people were allowed yet we were given bands so we could't drink. I at the moment bared a band on my wrist. This was the 'it' place to go for those under twenty five to about sixteen.

Dancing out there I finally relaxed and I smiled and laughed all night as my dark purple mauve dress moved with my body. It was a one sided strapped dress that went off only one shoulder. It went to my mid thighs and my sliver flats made it easier to move. My hair spun with and all guilt was forgotten.

♥

"Oooo look its Luke Maning!" Jacks pointed out as she pointed to a blonde haired scurfy like guy that looked strangely familiar.

"You mean the Luke Maning, the guy you girls used to drool over in those emails!" I taunted as I watched him flash a smile at some girl.

"Note emphasis on the word used to." Brooke muttered her tone saying it all.

"He's the man whore here in Dame Honey." Jacks explained "You'll know when the term begins; you are after all fresh meat."

I rolled my eyes "He can't be that-" I began stopping as Luke himself proved me wrong when he slid his note to the bar tender, a girl our age, into her cleavage.

I grimaced just as he spun around and caught my eye "Don't leav-" but it was too late, they had vanished in the throng of dancing bodies. Great.

"Luke." He said stopping in front of me his eyes friendly and a dazzling smile on his face, a smile I knew all girls would dream of.

"Tanze."

His eyes grew slightly his eyes studying me, for a fraction too long. "Tanze? Why does that sound familiar?" he played coy. I smiled flirtatiously; he was sweet and cute enough. "Oh Tanze! Wild child back at day care that used to always steal my shovel in the sand box!"

I laughed "I wouldn't say steal." I teased.

He smirked; an attractive feature on him, yet it did nothing for me. "I must admit you've grown." He flirted.

I smiled coy back "Wish I could say the same." I shot back his compliments making me feel uneasy, his eyes nothing helpful. It felt wrong for him or anyone to flirt with me...except Will. What had he done to me? Was nobody bar him to my standards anymore?

He chuckled low and rusty. Did that work on other girls? "Though I see you still have that wild hair of yours." He dug back.

I bit my bottom lip taunting him, he wasn't touching this fresh meat but I could taunt. Like Jacks says; "Karma truly is a bitch."

"Dance?" he asked.

I nodded stepping in to the flux of swaying bodies with Luke. We danced and I kept a distance but still close enough to taunt, he watched my every move and by the fourth song I stepped off the floor.

He grabbed my hand pulling me back, I smirked; saw that coming. "I must admit though" he said softly brushing my hair. "It's still as sexy as hell darlin'."

It was a slap in the face. Darlin'. It felt wrong from Luke, super wrong. Everything suggestive or more than just friends felt wrong, sickening. I felt as if I had betrayed Will.

I smiled uneasily all confidence gone as I pulled my hands away. "Bye Luke." I said before searching the room for the girls.

Luke was a nice guy and I knew I could have kept him in check with his love of woman and insistence but he wasn't the guy for me. He deserved some one that wasn't as messed up as I currently was.

Jacks raised an eyebrow at my changed demeanor.

"He's no Will." I mumbled.

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