.salvation. ||| [ novahd ]

.two.

Crunched up into a tight ball, it took all of James' energy to rock slightly back and forth in attempt to calm his racing pulse. He trembled in his current fetal position trying to forget what had happened earlier. Today had been the day he had hoped and dreamed wouldn't come, because not only did they finally break his vow of silence, but he had also allowed them to break down the only wall he had around his already fragile mental state.

It had started earlier that day when the school bully, Jordan Mathewson and his goony crew, Dexter and Kevin, were waiting for James at his locker. James let out a deep sigh. This had become a typical thing for James, the crew would wait at his locker, or even outside the school doors, and then heckle at him and occationally beat him up. They would usually leave bruises on his arm, chest, or stomach area yet never his face due to the fact that they don't want to be caught and expelled. James was too nervous and self conscious to ask for help from an adult figure. His anxiety would over take him, causing him to freeze up, too frightened to even open his mouth. As James approached his locker with caution he thought sarcastically, 'Maybe if I ask nicely, they'd move.' His eyes widened in horror as he considered it knowing full well it was a terrible idea, but how would he collect his book without getting pummeled once again?

Before James could turn around, Jordan's eyes locked on to the scrawny boy with adevious glint, as he reclined with his back against James' locker.

"Hey guys, look it's Wilson," Jordan said with a smirk as he montioned for Dex and Kevin to flank James. Dex and Kevin now had their full attention on James, with shit eating grins on their faces. As James continued to made his way to the front of his locker knowing it was pointless to turn back now. Jordan just stood there, towering towering over James as if it was his divine right to make James suffer.

"Oh I'm sorry, is this your locker? I didn't realize..." Jordan said in a fake innocent tone as he stood there with such a repulsive arrogance it made James sick to his stomach. He slowly leaned closer to James and snatched the collar of his shirt pulling James up from ground. A wave anxiety fell over the boy causing him to pale awaiting another beating.

"Look at this trash Kevin, no wonder his family never fucking pays attention to him." Jordan sneered as he shoved James backwards, "Or else they definitely would've noticed by now, or at least given a damn." Dexter and Kevin laughed and sneered at the boy's helplessness. James didn't fight back or say a word in retort.

Jordan came up to him once again, this time a breath away from his face. James kept up his mental guard as he prepared to take whatever Jordan had prepared for him this time around. Whispering menacingly right by his face Jordan asked, "What is it that think you'll gain by continuing to hang around here? Obviously no one even remotely cares about you or your well being. Why not just....dissappear? Hm, doesn't that sound like a fantastic idea, James? What if you weren't here at all? I'm sure the idea had crossed your mind before? Go ahead and feel free to tell me I'm wrong at any point." James felt his facade falter as Jordan started to pry into his most inner thoughts. He could feel Jordan's words seep into his mind poisoning it and ripping it apart with the cruelty of his verbal assult.

'N-no, he's lying. Jordan couldn't possibly know about my deepest thoughts. He just couldn't...', James thought as he struggled to find a flaw in Jordans cleverly weaved proposition. 'My parents were...they are....gone,' finally acknowledging that single devastatingly painful fact. It was then James felt his mental wall fall and shatter into a million pieces, leaving him a scatter-brained mess, no longer able to form any coherent thoughts.

A cruel smile began to form on Jordan's face as he recognized his victory over James' now collapsed state of mind. "That's right James. You couldn't find a single thing that keeps you here, could you? Well isn't that just the most unfortunate circumstance for you," Jordan concluded, sinisterly whispering straight into James' defenseless mind.

"I wouldn't mind helping you end your meaningless existence, being the good samaritan I am. It's only right to rid the world of the useless...." Jordan purred into his vulnerable ears with a sickening sweet tone.

Retreating from James' broken person, Jordan gave a nod to the boys that had stood back the whole time absorbed in the psychologically break down of the helpless kid. Before the two boys could physically harm James, he picked himself up becoming slightly functionally and made a mad dash for the door. Not even thinking twice that it was the middle of the school day, he rushed out in the humid air and didn't bother looking behind, knowing if he stalled they would certainly beat the daylights out of him. He had no idea where this sudden energy came from but he wasn't going to question it. James continued sprinting until the school was out of sight and was nearing his run down trailer. James thought back to the situation and how Jordan seemed to read into the deepest parts of his mind. Jordan had relentlessly ripped through his defenses and tore open the wound about his parents, shoving it right down his throat. He hadn't wanted to admit it to himself for the longest time that his parents had left him months ago. During that time all he could do to cope was tell himself everyday they would eventually come back. They didn't have to apologize, just coming by every once in a while would but be enough to soothe his suffering heart.

When Jordan had brought his parent's love up it felt as if his soul had been smashed and battered into a pulp. None of their beatings had hurt him more than the mental torment Jordan brought upon his mind. This last time had finally broken him and he was done. It was time that he stopped resisting what he knew should've been taken care of a long time ago. As all the final resistance faded away, James began to think that he did deserve all the punishments and all the suffering he put up with everyday. It took all James got not to break down immediately and curl up, from the intensity of it all, on the side of the road ,yet he trudged on and and held it in until he got home.

When he reached his dingy worn trailer he couldn't help but chuckle darkly as he compared himself to its awful appearance. 'Disgusting, pitiful, and useless', James' miserably thought entering his trailer, kicking off his shoes. His mind seemed go into overdrive even though he felt numb from Jordan's stinging words. With venomous thoughts persisting to plague his mind, he set down his backpack, reasoning to himself that he would never need to use it again. Suddenly he began to pace around the room like a mad man. James pulled at the roots of his hair and muttered things to himself like "I deserve it" and "I should just go". He made his way over to ragged couch and pulling his legs up, crunching himself into a ball. He trembled due to the dreadful thoughts that seemed to overwhelm him. Thoughts that went along the lines of swiftly and efficiently rid the world of his existence for good. Finally standing up, James rushed to his father's closet and dug through it for the one thing that could solve all his problems. In the back of the dark closet was a shoe box that had the essential part of the plan. James pulled out the pistol and admired its sleek curves and onyx glossy paint while checking to see if the gun had ammunition. 'Am I really going to do this?' James wondered, but ultimately decided that it was the best way to solve all these problems that had constantly clouded his mind endlessly day after day. He stood up, walking to one of the few chairs they owned and took a seat. James thought this through one more time and couldn't detect a single fault in his plan. In the end it didn't matter whether or not he found what he had been searching for as long as it made the world a better place without him in it. James lifted the pistol to his head and cocked the gun into place.

- - -

Hope everyone enjoys ^.^
-Sun
(P.s. That's actually a picture from Australia, a darn sure beautiful place)

[ written by jani, mia, and sun! edited by nico ]