Never (EDITING)

Chapter 10

"He drove you home?"


Ramona's reaction to my long, drama-filled, story was exactly what I expected it to be. Her jaw was wide the entire time I spoke, and she was the reason why I constantly stuttered in between words. I could tell what she was thinking.


Blair, on the other hand, was different. He definitely was surprised with what he heard, but he didn't know much about Nathan. He wasn't the type who paid much attention to the popular topics that everyone in school talked about. He was in his own world. My non-stop chattering gave him massive hints as to what kind of guy Nathan was, which was why I figured he was so shocked.


I rolled my eyes. "God, Ramona, please don't make me repeat what I just said."


"Hey, the last thing I'd expect is for you to get in a car with Nathan, let alone let him drive you home," she said while picking at the chopsticks that were resting on her plate.


"I was unconscious, I didn't know I was going to wake up to find Nathan carrying me to his car," I argued.


I watched her finger slowly run along the length of one of the chopsticks. After a minute of thinking, she looked up at me. "So, there's nothing going on between you two?" she asked. 


I shook my head. "Come on, Ramona, how long have you known me for?"


"I know, I'm just curious," she said, rolling her eyes.


I took a deep breath. I was tired. I was done talking about this. I never realized how many times I mentioned Nathan's name; that was the most I had in one day. It made me feel so pathetic, but I was glad it was over.


My eyes navigated to Blair, who just sat there and watched Ramona and I go back and forth with the whole Nathan discussion. For someone who found my confessions to be slightly shocking, he looked lost. Or maybe he just didn't want to be involved in a matter such as the one I was dealing with.


"Enough about me, I've said way too much. How's everything with you, Blair? You know, you still have some explaining to do," I said.


He was suddenly fully alarmed of what was happening. And, to my surprise, he looked to be very aware of what I was about to bring up. I felt bad. He looked nervous, but I wanted to help.


"R-regarding . . . ?" he trailed off.


Ramona was looking at him, now, and that did nothing but place more pressure on him.


I was beginning to think that maybe I should've never brought this up, but another part of me was thinking that Blair would remember me for this one day.


"What, am I the only one who remembers that you're totally crushing on someone?" I asked, suddenly getting all excited.


His face turned into a pale color, and he turned to face Ramona. He had only taken a quick glance at her curious face before his eyes met with mine again. "Uhh, Danika, can we please not talk about this right now?" he asked, his tone low. Had he forgotten that Ramona was sitting right beside him?


I frowned. "Why? Blair, I wanna help. Just tell us who this girl i-"


"Danika, please, not now." he interrupted.


I sat back in my seat. He was serious. I'd never seen him like this, it was weird. Blair normally told me everything. Literally. As he sat across from me and frowned at his plate, I tried figuring out what had suddenly changed in him. Did I do something that made him fear telling me what was going on in his head?


I leaned forward and placed my hand over one of his, but he removed it and dropped it onto his lap.


"Blair . . . " I said in concern.


He didn't say anything, neither did he look up at me. Instead, he faced Ramona, who was silently watching him. He gestured toward the exit. Ramona caught that and slid from her seat so he could get out.


"Let's go." he said bluntly and walked ahead of us.


We followed behind him, and the drive home, once again, was quiet. I didn't even bother to turn on the radio, I was afraid it would bother Blair. What a bummer, I thought. Music would've definitely changed the mood a little.


Our plans ended badly, and I was at fault. I hadn't realized how personal this certain topic was until the very end, when I saw the look on Blair's face. Whoever this girl was, he really liked her. I felt so guilty at the thought of him being disappointed in me. I messed up, big time, and I wouldn't allow myself to rest until I found a way to fix what I broke; the strong bond that Blair and I had.


I purposely dropped Ramona off at her place first, even though Blair's house was the furthest from my own. Thankfully, I didn't have to explain anything to Ramona, she understood my reasons behind this plan. We said our goodbyes to her and watched as she headed inside her house, and then I drove off. And, honestly, I was in no hurry to arrive. I took the longest way possible, because I knew that this conversation that would soon take place wasn't going to end early.


For the first couple of minutes, nothing was said. I was hoping that Blair would be the first to speak up, but I should've known that he had nothing to say in the first place. I was the one who was supposed to apologize.


I waited until I reached a red light before I finally looked back at him. Like I guessed, he had nothing to say. I could tell the minute that my eyes laid on him. If I wasn't mistaken, he was more than ready to go home so that he wasn't forced to be alone in a car with someone like me. I was such a horrible friend.


"Blair?" I said, my voice coming out as more of a whisper.


One of his legs was shaking, and he was rubbing his palms against each other in between his laps. But when he heard my voice, he looked up. And I couldn't help but smile when he did. That smile had to fade at some point, though. Sure, I was relieved to know that he wasn't mad at me to the point where he wouldn't even dare to look me in the eyes, but his expression was unrecognizable. He was upset with me.


"Blair, are you mad at me?" I asked nervously.


It wasn't until I asked him that I discovered how idiotic and childish my question was. He was obviously mad at me. But that fact didn't stop me from asking him, because I wanted to hear him say it.


The red light had switched to green, so I had no choice but to face the front again. That pissed me off. There was no way I could drive in the state I was in. I wanted to be able to talk to Blair, and I wanted my attention to be entirely on him, not the stupid road. So, I began scanning our surroundings outside of the car, hoping to spot some place to park. Joy replaced a tiny portion of the nervousness when I found a mini market to my right. And what was even better, was that its parking lot wasn't too full, it was the perfect place for Blair and I to discuss things without having to worry about a large crowd distracting us.


I made a quick right turn and parked nearest to the exit. My first attempt at parking left the car slightly crooked, and leaving it that way would surely create a bigger chance of it being badly scraped. That was the last thing I wanted to happen. I backed up a little bit and rotated the wheel a couple of times to the left, slowly moving forward when I was satisfied with the position it was in. And, with that, I turned off the engine and foolishly jumped to the back seat so that I was sitting beside Blair.


I must've looked really stupid, because when I sat up straight and adjusted my ponytail, I caught Blair chuckling at himself. I was so embarrassed, but, at the same time, I was more than happy to see that he was no longer frowning.


I laughed a little bit with him, then decided to speak when we were done. "Blair . . . "


For some reason, I couldn't think of anything good to say. I was afraid of saying the wrong things that would eventually upset him even more. For a few minutes, I stared at the profile view of his face in despair. Why wouldn't he look at me?


I moved closer toward him. "Blair, I-"


I was interrupted when he grabbed one of my hands and gently placed it on his lap. He still wouldn't look at me, though, but, for the first time since the little argument, I wasn't paying much attention to that. My eyes were on my barely visible hand. He had one of his own placed directly on top of it.


It never occurred to me how big his hands were. I mean, I'd always known that they were, but I never found the time to pay much attention to them. But, right then, as I gazed silently at the hand that protected mine, I found myself studying every little detail of it. The several veins that were overlapping underneath his flesh, his surprisingly muscular fingers. And, aside from his hands, his skin was darker up close, and so were the dustings of freckles on his face and parts of his nose. I quickly realized that when his chocolate brown eyes locked with my own.


I didn't know what was happening. Possibly nothing was, but the position we were in made my heart skip a beat, and my face was warming up.


I was so confused. Blair had never made me feel this way before, we were just your typical best friends who enjoyed messing around and teasing each other. The guy who sat in my car was a completely different Blair. This guy was actually holding my hand, and the look in his eyes gave off an unusual feel. And he was so freaking good-looking.


My breathing stopped at that last thought. What the hell are you thinking, Danika, this is Blair we're talking about. The nerdy kid who enjoyed reading and hanging out with his Key Club buddies for fun. But, at the same time, he was one of the best people I'd ever met. No one could ever replace him.


A cold breeze brought me back to reality. I blinked once and looked down at Blair's lap. His warm hand was no longer there, only my pale, cold, one was. The sight of that made me feel down.


"Danika,"


His voice made my head shoot up instantly. I was excited to hear him speak to me again. He had only given me the silent treatment for twenty minutes and I was already missing him like hell.


"I'm not mad at you." he said softly, smiling at his lap.


It was then that I realized that he was actually looking down at my hand.


I shuttered. How humiliating. Why had I kept it there?


I quickly removed it and hid it in between my laps. My face was burning the entire time.


My feelings were suddenly playing tricks on me. I wanted to look back up at Blair, but I couldn't. I was so nervous. Was this how I was going to be reacting in front of him from now on?


I waited a minute for my cheeks to cool down a bit before finally gaining the courage to look up at my best friend. His eyes never left me once.


"Then why'd you run out of the restaurant like that?" I asked.


That question caused him to look away, and a look of regret replaced that nice grin that was occupying his lips. "I don't know," he began, "I guess I was a little upset that you suddenly brought up this topic, but what really ticked me of was-"


He stopped before finishing his sentence and chuckled nervously. Poor Blair, something was really bothering him. It was a relief knowing that I wasn't entirely the cause of his fleeing the restaurant, but seeing him like this always gave me the urge to help him no matter what.


I inched a little closer to him and placed a hand on his shoulder for comfort. "What's wrong? Blair, you can tell me anything, you know that." I reminded him.


He finally looked at me and threw a couple of nods. "You're right." he said, smiling slightly afterwards.


I smiled in return. Soon, things were going back to normal. I wasn't as nervous anymore, and the temperature in my face had gone down. I was glad to know that things didn't have to be awkward between us.


Blair went right to explaining to me about the girl that he had apparently fallen for freshman year. I found that odd, because, until a few weeks ago, Blair had never given off any hints that he was into someone. I was truly mistaken, Blair was an expert at hiding his emotions.


He didn't mention the girl's name, but he did say that she wasn't someone that I'd be too fond of. Unfortunately for me, she was one of the popular girls. Those girls were on the very top of my "People I Despise" list. Blair knew that, but if things ever worked out between him and that special someone, I'd have no choice but to be on good terms with her.


"I think I love her." he told me at the very end of his story.


Hearing him say that, I couldn't help but gently place my hand over my mouth in a that's-so-cute kind of way. I wanted to go all out with the "Aww", and "I'm so happy for you!" sort of comments, but that would just make him uncomfortable. We were just beginning to make up, I didn't want my girly side to ruin that. Instead, I nudged his shoulder slightly with my hand that I kept rested on it the entire time he spoke. He definitely noticed that Danika's girly side was exposed, and that made him laugh. I caught that and joined in on the laughter. I couldn't help my sudden behavior, I was just so happy for him. Whether this girl was popular or not, I had to accept her. If I found that she was a good person, one who treated Blair right, I'd have to force myself to allow her presence to sink in.


After what happened back at that restaurant, I was going to be more cautious. I wasn't going to let anything I do or say upset the people that were so dear to my heart. Especially Blair.