ZADR: His Game

The Strength

He turned his back to me. Now that his eyes weren't on me, I could finally take care of him. When he looks at me... It's hard to raise the gun up. But now... Now he isn't looking.

Slowly and calmly, I raised the light pistol up; aimed right at his humongous head. It would be hard to miss but I squinted to make sure there was no chance of that happening. I was ready to pull the trigger before--

"Why am I still here?" Dib's eyes found mine in the mirror and I rushed to stand normally and kept my gaze away from him, embarrassed he might have caught me.

I can't answer that question, how the hell can I tell him I don't know. He means nothing to me but telling him I kept him alive because "fuck all", he would think otherwise.

Finding my place on Dib's new sleeping place, I readied myself to reply to the best of my abilities.

"Every second I wish you weren't but," I paused, trying to find the words. I covered up my break by situating my rear better on the messy covers. "I let you stay alive. You should be grateful and not ask any questions about it." I wanted to sound like I was standing my ground, I needed to. I don't have the time for emotions and Dib needs to know that, too. But somehow, I already know he's seeing through me.

Dib spun around on his heels to face me. He had a gentle smile on his face. Why is he looking at me like this? It's almost as if he were meeting with his old friend; that's what his face had shown. Shivers shot down my spine seeing him act so out of character. I don't like this and it needs to end.

"What's this? Why are you looking at Zim like that?" I pointed a stubborn finger at his grinning face, hoping he'd realize what he was doing and stop.

But there it stayed, that dumb look on his face. He inched closer to me and I pressed against the bed, trying to keep the space between us from closing. My chest started to feel tight-- whatever that means.

Thank The Tallest, he stopped, leaving about three feet to separate us. "I've done so many things to you..." his eyes dropped to my neck and I knew what he was looking at.

Flooded with memories, I began to cringe. The tubes, the dissecting... The countless days on that lab table with strangers wearing masks on their faces poking me with needles and other things. No matter how many times I cried for it to stop, nothing would ever relent. Forced to suffer years in a capsule for others amusement...

I covered that nasty scar with my gloved hand making Dib look back up at me.

"Worse than anything you've done to me. I don't deserve this," he bowed his head.

Shut up. Shut up! Zim doesn't want to hear your naive comments, Dib! Stop this. Stop! I wanted to kick and scream or pull my pistol out and end his existence. Though, I was able to hide all of this anger behind a relaxed expression.

I narrowed my eyes on him as I spoke. "Remember that this isn't for you. It's for your mouth; to keep the damn thing shut." As truthful as it is, I still couldn't fool myself into thinking that this is what I said it was. It's something else. It has to be.

Dib's smile disappeared when realization washed over his face. "Oh. Yeah."

It seemed he was wanting some kind of sentimental response. This is Zim we're dealing with. He'd be lucky to get a real laugh out of me. The numb-skull should already know this.

Silence fell on us though, I was able to break it. "It's late. Go to bed," I mumbled as I began to stand up and then patting away the wrinkles I had created when I had sat down earlier.

As I began to grasp the doorknob, a skinny hand took mine and stopped me in my tracks. What is he doing?

Dib kept his firm hold on me and I had no choice but to look at the crazy boy; I didn't have any other choice. I raised an impatient eyebrow at the creature to find something--- saddening, you could say.

He was bowing his head and his shoulders were bouncing around as if he were... sobbing? His posture completely collapsed and turned him hunchback. I've seen many broken people on my Tuesdays but Dib... He looked so torn apart like this. Keep your head down, I don't want to see your face. Dear Tallest, keep your damn head down.

Wait, am I feeling pity for him?

I violently shook my hand free and angrily glared at the shattered mess before me. I can't tell if I'm mad at him or myself for having these foolish and wasteful emotions. Do I really care about this Earth Monkey? Impossible! Ridiculous!

But those damn brown eyes cried out to me as he glanced quickly at me. They seemed to tell me something Gir would say often when he wasn't screaming about television or food.

It was automatic of me to outstretch my arms. I have no idea where my heart was when I did this but maybe it's, what the humans say, "in the right place". In a hesitant second, Dib was against me with his arms wrapped around me. I was asking for this hug but was taken back nonetheless.

His warmth was comforting and I basked in it. My face was shoved into his thin-to-the-bone chest; I may have gotten tall but Dib has outgrown me. I kept my arms by my sides but had the--- the urdge to place them on Dib. I don't like this. Zim does not enjoy this!

Though, I let it continue. Why? Whyyyy? Why must I comfort this filthy ball of filth! He threatens to blackmail me and wants to show compassion? How dare he! I should have his head for this! I should put him to death for this shit he is continuing to do.

Why don't I just do it? What is stopping me?!

His words were tattered and in pieces, "Please don't go..."

I tried to pull my pistol up but I had nothing to raise it up; I had no hate, I had no revenge driven motives... Nothing was giving me the strength to finally do what should have been done. Dammit Zim, why can't you do this?!