Love isn't so easy

Love is overrated

The plan. It made a dent in my heart, sure, but even I have to say that Peter's plan to win over MJ is really good. It's romantic, it's sweet and it's clear he really likes her because why else would he go to such an effort to organise something sweet for her?

I think that's what makes this hurt so much more, he really is a romantic. I mean I already knew that he was a romantic, I've made him watch a few too many rom coms for him not to be but having that confirmed with his plan for MJ, it sank the knife a little deeper. 

Peter left almost a half hour ago and yet I haven't moved an inch from where I was when he left me. I'm just having trouble processing it all. I knew that he wouldn't like me but there was always hope, hope in the most obscure places, sure, but hope nonetheless. When he confirmed what I always hoped would never happen, I think my heart sunk just a little. It feels like someone attached a 10 pound weight to my heart and let it just fall to the bottom of my stomach. I know it's nothing, the guy I'm in love with has a crush on one of my close friends, it feels all so... high school and yet, it hurts all the same. 

Steve's voice on the other side of the door pulls me back into reality and it's then that I notice that I've got tears streaming down my face and I'm on my bed, scrunched up into a ball. I'm not sure when I even got into this position but if Steve's on the other side of the door, I better get myself together. 

"Oh hey Steve! What's up?" I call out whilst I try to wipe the tears off my face and quickly redo my bun.

"Can I come in?" Steve replies, barging into my room anyway. "We were all bored and wanted to watch some Disney movies, I know you can't res- Hey, what's wrong? Why are you crying?" 

Crap. I guess my attempts at looking somewhat put together didn't work out at all. 

"Oh um nothing, nothing important at least" I say but even I can tell how uncertain I sound.

"Come on Y/N/N, nothing that bothers you can be unimportant. Please tell me, as old as it makes me seem, I just want the best for you and for you to be happy." Steve says softly, coming over to sit across from me on my bed. 

"I- okay. I've had some complicating feelings for this guy for a while now and he just asked me to help him tell his crush that he likes her and to basically ask her out. It sounds so stupid but I just feel- actually I don't really know how to describe how I feel. It's almost like there's a tiny chip in my heart. It's pathetic that I'm this sad about this, I'm 17, love isn't really, well, what it will be like in 10 years but it still hurts anyway. Wow, I just sort of unloaded that all on you, I'm really sorry about that but uh, yeah." I let it all out and I'm relieved but I'm also kind of scared of Steve's response. I've known Steve for most of my life, he's been my Uncle Steve for as long as I can remember and I certainly don't want his disapproval. 

"Y/N, sweetheart, I'm so sorry, I didn't realise your feelings for Peter went that deep. Honestly, I thought it was just a crush, not love-" Steve starts. 

"Wait what?! Who said anything about Peter, I don't like Peter. What are you talking about?" I say quickly, cutting him off. Steve smiles a little and I realise I said that maybe a little too quickly. 

"Y/N, we could all sort of tell that you liked Peter, honestly the way he looks at you, everyone on the team thought- actually thinks he likes you. I mean the kid is shy but he looks like the biggest extrovert when he's around you. He comes alive around you." Steve takes one look at my face and thankfully moves on. "Okay, I went a little off topic, sorry for that but there's a few things I want to tell you. I get that I'm probably not the first person you would want to go to for romantic advice in the compound, trust me there are far more experienced people, but I'll try my very best. First, your feelings are not invalid, love happens at all ages, just because you're young doesn't mean that you are incapable of knowing what love actually is. I don't quite understand why you think that being upset over someone you like not reciprocating the feelings but pursuing someone else is something pathetic because it really isn't. Before I took the serum, well you've seen the photos, I wasn't anyone that any girl would want to date. I still had feelings for girls but they always liked Buck better instead, so, trust me I know how you feel. That's why I can guarantee that your feelings are definitely valid." 

"Wow, I had no idea. Steve, serum or not you're one of the best people I have ever met, surely someone saw that. You may have just been a little blind and didn't notice because you thought Bucky was getting everyone." Steve chuckles a little at that and shakes his head before continuing his own little speech. 

"Y/N, the other thing I feel the need to express is that love isn't everything right now, or ever actually. It's kind of overrated. I know that isn't what you want to hear and it feels like something that people just tell you when you're heartbroken but I mean it. I've only ever been in love once in my life and that love only came to me when I wasn't looking for it. When you stop worrying about love coming to you, you will find it in the best of places. I know this revelation just came to surface like an hour ago but seriously, it's important to remember that. Also, I know you may not want to hear this and maybe you don't believe it right now but soon you will. If the kid can't see that you are hurting after his confession and appeal for your help, then he's not a very good best friend. This will take some time to heal but for now at least, just gauge what his actions are towards you in the next couple of days and find comfort in your other friends and your family. If it's too difficult to talk to him and be around him, just let me know and I'll plan future missions without you two interacting as best as I possibly can. Oh, and remember, we're always here for you Y/N/N." Steve finishes, this time with a genuinely concerned look on his face. 

"Uncle Steve," he laughs a little at the name, I guess I haven't called him uncle in a while. "Thank you so much for this, I really needed this. I love you all, I have the very best family. Right now I just want to get my mind off Peter... What were you saying before about Disney movies?" 

"Oh right! Yes, Disney marathon in the main common room now, that's what I came here for anyway. Why don't you get yourself cleaned up and I'll head out there and tell them you're coming and to put on Tangled. That's your favourite right?" I nod and smile as Steve stands up slowly and makes his way to the door. 

Quickly as I can, I wash my face well, take my hair out and brush it through before I change into some sweats and my F.R.I.E.N.D.S oodie. I make my way to the common room and everyone's already there. As I look around at everyone I can't help but think of Peter. It sounds crazy, I know, but everyone has someone here and without Peter, I don't. Mum has Dad, Wanda has Vision, Bucky has Sam and Thor (an odd group I've always thought, but they make it work) and Nat has Steve. Only ever been in love once my ass. Everyone else is at their own homes with their families and even just the thought of that makes me sad but then I look over at who's sitting on the floor. Maybe Steve's right, who needs love when you have family? 

I've got to say, blipping back was really confusing but the most confusing part was probably when Dad introduced me to my 5 year old sister Morgan. It was such a surprise but honestly, the best surprise I've ever had in my life, I love her with all my heart. It took a while to adjust to such a big change coming back but I adore her and from what Mum and Dad have told me, she adores me. Apparently she would ask for stories about me to go to bed every night, she used to say she missed me even though she had never met me. 

I settled down next to my baby sister and she hugs me tight as we start the movie. An hour ago, my world felt like it was falling apart and, admittingly, it still does but I know now that I have special people, a special family in my life that will be there to put the pieces back together no matter what. That stability, the constant of my family makes me know that heartache or not, life will be okay, even in the darkest of times.