《C A L L I T D E S T I N Y》

《C H A P T E R T H I R T Y - S I X》

Kieran's POV

We have been in Deia for two weeks and things were going okay. Kiara's arm was healed, she didn't need the sling anymore so that was good and I knew she hated that she hadn't been able to do things alone. Her ribs were also healing but they were still a bit tender.

Kiara and I were talking but we hadn't had the hard conversation about what happened yet so there was that elephant in the room. I had noticed that after dinner when we would go sit at the firepit she was working on a new design for a house but when I tried to see it she would slap my hand away. She said she would show me when she felt she was ready or when she felt it was good enough.

She wasn't talking as much as before the incident but I could see she was healing more and more everyday. Her smiles were becoming more and more frequent which was so good because I love her smiles so much and I missed them.

She goes on walks around the estate everyday and if I'm free at the time we go together but she has not missed a single day. She would also come and watch when I was sparing and I know she was itching to get back into it but her ribs needed to heal more.  

A few days ago I had a conversation with her mum and she gave me advice because I have been walking on eggshells unsure not really knowing what's going on in her head. Her mum gave me some advice on the situation at hand based on what she had experienced with her and what she had experienced when she had a miscarriage.

I had asked Mrs Dempsey if I was going about the situation the right way and she said, 'We never know if we are going about situations the right way especially situations we have never experienced. My baby she likes to work through things alone just so she has accepted it and she can move on and be happy. '

I really admire how strong Kiara is, how she works through things alone but maybe she didn't need me but I needed her. I wanted to work through this with her, to know what's going on in her head.

Mrs Dempsey had also given me the insight that the first and last time she had seen Kiara go into a mode similar to this was the mission with her brothers, that very bleak mission she had gone through. Mrs Dempsey said she had to go through what she went through and she said I just need not to push her and let her heal alone and I just need to show that I am here for her and don't stop being there for her. Mrs Dempsey had told me that this time was different because she wanted me there with her but the last time she shut every single person out and didn't say a single word to everyone. 

Mrs Dempsey had also talked to me about the miscarriage she had experienced. She explained that misscarriage is the most painful thing in the world. She explained that Kiara is probably mourning for all the children she thought she was going to have but probably will not have now. The conversation as a whole had really been eye opening, I hadn't been sure if I was going about the entire situation correctly but this made me feel better and more confident in the way I was handling the situationnat hand. I was just trusting and hoping that when she is ready she will open up to me.

I had been in a sort of constant state of internal anger about the entire incident. I had a very high level of anger and hatred towards my parents. It wasn't healthy but being angry was how I was dealing with the chance of our future children not coming to be because of the incident.

I was angry at my parents yes but I felt anger and guilt towards myself. This entire situation just felt like it was my fault they are my parents and I wasn't there when it happened. The love of my life was in danger and I could have ruined kids for us. I know you can't control which family you're born into but I can't stop myself from feeling like I am to blame.

I was sitting on our bed and Kiara was in the shower, I was taking her out to my favourite ice cream place here. Kiara and I hadn't left the estate the entire time we had been here so I knew she was excited.