Nowhere Man of the Reedy River

Chapter 1

Who am I? Why do I look the way I do? Why do I sound the way I do? Why can’t anything good stay in my fucking life?

I sat there, 7 in the morning, having a breakdown. The acid trip the night before was pretty rough. Emotions felt like waves, except a bigger one crashed over me and after each one, I thought it wouldn’t get greater. A single thing reminded me of another, and before I knew it, I was drowning.

Of course, I was thinking of the people in my life I had lost or am losing. Firstly, I lost my mother, Julia. She told me she’d be in the clouds in the morning and this particular star under Orion that I had dedicated to her. But I can’t feel her around. What do I do when it's sunny with no clouds to be seen or when the night sky is shrouded in nothing but gloom? She had her faults, of course. She wasn’t the best mother one could be. But at least I had a mother.

Then, I lost my baby, Stuart. Whatever Stu and I had can’t be confined in the limited sense of the word “friendship”. It was far more than that. One of my most treasured memories with him is when we met at 5 in the morning to look at the sunrise during fall. We sat under a tree and he fell asleep in my lap and before I knew it, I did too. And we missed our class! But like all things beautiful in my life, he was gone.

Then most recently, I lost Brian. He wasn’t all that special to me, like Julia or Stu. But he was there for me. We had some bonding time a few years back in Spain. It was not a love affair; it was a “lust affair”. I explored with him a part of me that I had been disturbed and afraid of for the longest time, and in some ways, still am. His demise was such a shock to me, and all of the band, really.

Now, I feel like I’m losing the greatest love of my life, Paul. I don’t know what did I do or where did I go wrong, but he seems to be going away from me. I believe that if you ever loved someone, you can never stop loving them. And yes, I love Paul just as much as in the old days when we cried in each other’s arms and threw booze at each other, and I know he does too. But we aren’t as close as we used to be; we distance ourselves from each other without even knowing why.

And Cynthia. I feel like an arse for not feeling the same about her as I once did. There was a time when I felt she’d be the only woman I’d ever love. But these days, I find myself craving for something more than love. I feel so misunderstood by everyone, so I feel like I need someone to love who can also satiate this lifelong flame in me that wants to be understood and challenged. And I might have found a woman like that. Yoko. Admittedly, she isn’t the most attractive woman, and frankly, she looks like a man, but she is easily the smartest one I’ve come across. I feel understood by her, by whatever “understood” means to me. She challenges me intellectually and somehow fills the void of the mother figure in my life. How much I wish I had the guts to break to Cyn that our marriage has almost become a burden to me, and little Julian is the only thing that’s been keeping it glued.

Anyways, I had not been able to fall asleep the night with the crazy-ass acid trip, and I had been tossing in my bed and constantly looking at the mirror and tripping out. Cynthia wasn’t home; she had gone out to stay over at some friend’s house along with Julian. Before I realized it, the sun was up, and I was there just beginning to drift to sleep, with only a thin shawl over me, despite the cold weather.  Suddenly, I was startled by the shrill sound of the doorbell bell. “Who the fuck shows up at 7 in the fucking morning?”

I barely pulled myself up and put the shawl around my shoulders. I was disoriented, tumbling and shivering. I made my way downstairs. I looked through the peephole and saw two very familiar faces. It was Mal Evans and Georgio Harishankar, as I love calling George silly names since the first time we met. I opened the door and I realised I forgot to lock it last night.
“So what brings both of you here so late at night?” I said, making it obvious through my face that 7 in the morning wasn’t quite the right time to show up for presumably some business talk. “We’re going to India”, said George, rather seriously. I raised my eyebrows and welcomed them in, as they made their way to the lounge.

Mal looked at me, looking rather concerned. “Oh my, my, John. You look like a mess ya know? Your eyes look swollen. Were you crying?”
“He was probably on a trip with Lucy, weren’t ya Johnny?” George said with a hint of a chuckle coming from his voice. I wasn’t smiling, I didn’t nod to either of them as they both were right. I didn’t look into either of their eyes, which was quite unusual for me as I was the kind of person who’d stare into somebody’s soul when talking to them.
“Ahem, so uh, John. I feel like all of you really need a break right now. A break from recording, a break from the media and all the attention, a break from the whole goddamn country.” Mal said, after sensing that something was certainly wrong.
“So remember when we attended Maharishi Mahesh Yogi’s seminar in Wales a while back? I thought we could, you know, spend a little bit of time in his ashram in India, and learn meditation. I just returned from India last weekend, and I think the weather there is quite fair. Really, John. I think we really need some time away from all this you know, I’m just sick of it.” George said sincerely.

He was right. After Brian’s passing, we really needed some time away from everything. I had been using drugs to cope with everything, but it doesn’t feel right. It feels right for a moment or two but after a while, it really takes a grave effect on you. And, most importantly, I want The Answer. The answer to be happy, the answer to detach from my ego and the answer to not lose everything good in my life.

I finally looked at them and said “Alright, we could I suppose. It indeed is quite overwhelming y’know. Ehrm, so, when are we going and who’s coming along?” Now Mal returned to his usual happy-go nature and said, “So, I’ll be off to India before you, y’know, get your luggage and make arrangements. And all of the band will be coming along, but Paul and Ringo might come a bit later as they have got some work to do in the studio. And to keep you guys some company, we have Mike Love, Donovan, this chap called Paul Horn and this lovely lady named Mia Farrow. You lads can bring along your ladies as well!”

I guessed I could bring along Cynthia. I had met Mike a couple of times; is a nice guy. And oh Donovan, he lives nearby and writes some kind of children songs and Celtic-ish lullabies, but has a couple rockers once in a while. He’s one of Paul’s best mates, seems to be a pretty well lad. I might have heard about Farrow. And who the fuck is Horn?

“And Jenny will be coming along as well. She’s been into all things spiritual lately, and I asked if she wants to come along, and she is very enthusiastic about the trip.” George said, smiling.

“Well, that sounds neat to me. And I suppose we have good company. And am I the last one to know about the trip?” I said sternly. Although we had long been planning a trip to India, Eppy’s death had kept us from visiting. But I suspected that I was the last one to know about this plan.

“Well uh you see, John. We had been trying to reach you since the evening of the day before yesterday. We rang you up a lot but you didn’t pick up. I’ll be leaving this evening and you and George will be leaving tomorrow morning. It was getting late so Geo and I decided to just show up here at your place. I expect you and Cyn to do all of the packing today itself. Any questions?”

“Fucking hell what? Tomorrow? Cyn better get here soon then! I suppose Julian can't come along innit? It will be too much of a hassle anyway. So uh, Paul will be there right?" I was now looking directly at Mal, making it obvious through my eyes that I want Paulie to be there.

"Yeah, yeah, he will don't worry about it. He'll just be a bit late but he WILL be there." He said, assuring me.

George and Mal looked at each other and stood up, and headed towards the door.

"Ey, no tea?" I looked at them and said, a bit louder.

"You better take a shit first and brush yer nasty ass teeth first Johnny." George said, keeping a straight face. Then I realised I had some really bad breath.

George was now holding the door open and about to head out as he said "And remember John, we aren't recording a single goddamn thing while we're there. If I hear the words "let's record this" a single fucking time while we're there, I'll beat down yer ass. Hare Krishna."

And he shut the door and both Mal and him were gone. George looked pretty serious about this trip, and it's quite justified. We had planned this since last year and now is the absolute perfect time. Not only for the band, but especially for me.

And now, here I am right now, on a bus in Delhi. It's a 24 hour long ride and we'll be at Rishikesh by tomorrow. Along with me are Cyn, Geo, Pattie, Mike, and Donovan.

Here we go on our magical mystery tour.