The Ghost of Our Past (ON HOLD)

Maybe

“Ah, here it is.” Kiera located an orange bead among the other beads in the container and slid the thread through. The bead clattered softly as it joined the rest. “What’d you say?” She picked the ends of the thread and lifted the necklace for Patty to see. The slender woman sighed and looked up from her book.

“There’s no pattern whatsoever,” she pointed out. “And I don’t understand why you’re doing something meaningless like this.” Ignoring her, Kiera knotted the ends together and tugged it gently to make sure it was secure. She didn’t want to tell Patty about the promise she made to the psychiatrist during their last session. It still made her face burn.

She closed the lid over the container and was about to return it to the volunteer when she saw a patient around the same age as Patty talking with one of the nurses. She was friendly and the nurse was just about as amicable. As Kiera passed them, she heard her exclaim, “Oh, I never use that milk formula! It’s not for babies with delicate stomach- ”

Confused, Kiera turned to the volunteer bent over a puzzle with a patient. She tapped his shoulder, her eyes still on the woman who now was laughing with the nurse.

“Hey, why’s the lady here?” She saw him straightened from the corner of her eye and paused, waiting for an answer. When she got none, she turned and was mid-way through her question when her voice caught in her throat. It was the blue-eyed volunteer. She saw that he was stunned and confused, all at once. Then he seemed to shrug it off and turned away.

Annoyed, Kiera tried asking a nurse whose face she was familiar with. “Can you tell me why she’s here?” She pointed to the patient. The nurse wore the same expression as the volunteer and hesitated. “Now why would you want to know?” Her voice was filled with curiosity. Kiera didn’t like it, thinking about how the nurse would tell everyone about how the hysterical and otherwise silent girl asked a question.  

“N-no reason.” Kiera mumbled and walked back to her seat opposite Patty. Patty still had her nose in her book. Still feeling irritated, Kiera tried to pluck the book from Patty’s hand. Her hand went through the book, the sensation not different from touching air. Patty didn’t even blink as she turned to the next page.

Shaken, Kiera sat back and looked outside. Her thoughts were still on Patty though. For the past week since they had made acquaintances, there would be moments Patty would disappear or she would act like Kiera didn’t exist. Once Kiera confronted her, angrily asking why Patty spent the entire evening ignoring her.

“When did I ever do that?” Patty asked, bewildered. Kiera still couldn’t wrap her head around it and most days, it gave her a headache. She could feel one coming, the side of her forehead throbbing slightly. Quickly, she switched her attention to the courtyard.  

It was a windy day. The branches of the trees were never stopped waving in the gust of wind and the sky was covered with clouds. Kiera pulled her chair closer to the window, sniffing the air. She wanted to smell the rain. Recently, she had wanted a lot of things. She felt the stiff paper in her pocket and ran her hand over it to hear it crinkle softly. She wasn’t sure she should tell Patty.

“Do you want to go outside?” Patty’s clear voice interrupted her train of thought. It was at the mot random moments Patty would snap out her trance and talk to her. Kiera shook her head.

“I’m not allowed too. If I behave, maybe they’ll let me go outside.”

“If you behave. What are you, a seven-year-old?” Patty sniffed indignantly.

“They say it’s because I caused a lot of problems.”

“Nonsense. We’re in a psychiatric institution, for crying out loud.”

Kiera didn’t answer. She had known that the psychiatrist had planned this to test her. Well, she sure wasn’t going to lose. Around her, patients and the staff were clearing up. Kiera noted the time on the clock hanging over the door. Dinnertime. She glanced at Patty.

“Can you accompany me to my room?”

“What about your dinner?”

“I’ve got a special diet apparently.” Kiera grimaced. Certain patients that weren’t easily controlled were separated from the others during mealtimes so that they wouldn’t affect the other patients. Kiera was one of these certain patients.

As she followed the patients down the corridor, she saw Patty weave in and out through people. She doesn’t realise that sometimes she walks right through them, Kiera thought. Like a ghost. She turned into the right corridor and to her room three doors away. A nurse was already there, placing the tray of food on the table overhanging the bed.

“Miss Violet and the doctors say you can eat without anyone looking after you starting from today,” she informed Kiera before leaving the room. Kiera’s expression brightened even after she heard the door lock click. Patty was already in the room, settling in a lumpy sofa next to the bed. Kiera followed suit, climbing onto the bed. She pulled a face at the usual sight of porridge and old spinach. It couldn’t compare to her aunt’s cooking. By now they would be eating creamy mashed potatoes or beef stew or even steak.

“I wish I could get out soon.” Kiera sighed, homesick. Even though they were the ones who put her here, they were still where home was. Patty placed her elbows on the bed and propped her chin with intertwined hands.

“Isn’t it normal to feel that way? Why all of a sudden?”

“I was homesick at first but then I decided I shouldn’t. Because I believed I belonged here.” Kiera confessed. “The nut house.”

“Then what happened?” Patty asked again, her amused smile appearing. Kiera grinned at her, the wave of relief and happiness returning like it always had when she recalled that moment in the kitchen with Mr Rye.

“I found out I wasn’t crazy.”

Patty leant back, confused now. “What about the people that don’t exist? That’s how you ended up here in the first place. You don’t meet them anymore?”

Kiera bit her bottom lip, unsure to answer. For all she knew, Patty was convinced that she was real and hasn’t realised she was someone else’s past. But who’s past? The question struck Kiera. If only she could figure it out. But Patty never mentioned her identity and refused to let Kiera know. Kiera doubted it would be any different now.

“Hey, did you see the patient with the nurse?”

Patty shook her head.

“Well, she seems normal… Why is she here than?” Kiera mused out loud. Patty shrugged. Her next words were the ones Kiera had been waiting to hear since she first saw the patient.

“Who knows? Maybe she’s just like you.”