More than a game [a Damian Priest story]

17 Struggle

How did we get to this point? I had not the slightest idea, but now it had come to this. All Damian and I had been doing for the past few weeks was arguing. Every little thing seemed to send us into a rage. The grief over the loss of our baby showed itself more and more often in tantrums. One moment everything was fine and the next moment we were getting upset over the smallest things about the other.

It seemed like we were at different points in our attempt to process what had happened and something got lost in the process. Of course, everyone dealt with grief differently. I just wasn't sure how we could escape this spiral.

We tried to talk about it, but... I don't know, something was missing. And I just didn't know what. I really thought we were stronger. That we could put it behind us. Apparently I was wrong about that, and it almost tore me apart.

"You know what? If you can't reason with me, you might as well leave!" I yelled in Damian's face as we stood across from each other in the living room fighting.

"At this point, that's a fucking good idea! I'm so goddamn sick of it!" he yelled back. Then Damian turned around yanked the door open, rushed out and let the door slam loudly into the lock.

The slamming of the door was like someone stabbing a dagger into my heart. Why couldn't we get this right? Powerful sobs shook me as I began to cry and slump to the floor. I stared briefly at the door through which Damian had disappeared and then covered my face with my hands.

Suddenly I was lifted up and when I took my hands off my face, I looked into Damian's eyes. His eyes showed so much pain. Another stab in my heart.

"I am so so so so sorry Damian! I don't want you to leave. I don't want you to leave me, but I feel like I'm losing you. And I'm so scared." I wailed as tears streamed down my cheeks.

"I'm sorry too, Y/N! Why are we struggling so much? I... I'm so exhausted. What happened to us?" he asked as he rested his head against mine.

We just sat there. On the floor of our living room. We were struggling so hard. But in that moment, holding me in his arms on his lap, it was like nothing ever happened. 

I placed my hand on his cheek and he looked up at me with his eyes full of tears. Gently, very gently I kissed his lips. Feather light kisses. Damian's arms wrapped themselves tighter around my waist as he deepened the kiss. As he held me like this and the tingling suddenly spread through my body, I abruptly realized what was missing. What part we had neglected. 

"Damian?" I sighed against his mouth.

"Hmm?" he replied.

"Make love to me." I whispered.

"I don't want to hurt you, baby. I don't know if you're ready for that again." He breathed as he searched my eyes.

"You've never hurt me, D! And I need you. And you need me, too. We need to find a way to express all these pent up feelings. I think we've been hiding in our grief and forgetting ourselves in the process," I explained, slowly stroking the back of his neck.

I saw the wheels turning in his head. Instead of saying anything else, I began to kiss his neck. Slowly I kissed my way from Damian's neck to his jaw along his cheek until finally I pressed my lips to his. He hesitated a little, but when I tugged on his lower lip, something clicked in his head.

Very gently, he pushed me to the floor and hovered over me as he kissed me more fiercely. His hot breath washed over my face as he swept his tongue over mine. Our breaths quickly turned into panting. 

I loved the feeling of the pressure of his chest against my breasts. How sensually his fingers moved over my skin as we freed each other from our clothes. It wasn't long before he guided himself into me and began his slow but deep thrusts into me. Our raspy breathing, moaning and the slapping of skin was the only thing that could be heard.

"Never forget how much I love you, mi querida!" suddenly whispered Damian in my ear.

My nails dug into his back as he pulled me closer and closer to my orgasm.

"I love you... so much." I gasped as I found his gaze. 

Damian leaned in and kissed me hard at the exact moment we both came. With this release, everything we had held back melted away. All emotions burst out of both of us and we began to cry. In sadness, in relief, but most of all in love.

We clung to each other and let it all out. It was exactly what we needed at that moment. A physical relief and the feeling that we had not lost each other.