I suddenly noticed another stuffed animal, which was a Panda. Its white was rather gray, and its black was more white as dust rested upon its glassy orbs, which had a golden hue morphed with a silver color. It was odd how it seemed to call my name while I was thinking about it. Soon enough, my eyes fell upon a lavender web-color dummy with a dolphin attached to it, and again it seemed to call my name, "Cheolie." It kept lingering in my mind. I had to look away before I took it.
I ignored the lingering feeling of wanting the stuffed animal, convincing myself that I wasn't a child and didn't need it. I was an adult and didn't need to be taken care of. I held Woozi closer and played with his hair, trying to ignore the box and remove it from my mind, even as it kept calling my name.
Soon enough, I carried Woozi to the kitchen and sat down, far away from the box. All of us were in the kitchen, eating peacefully and enjoying our food and drinks. Today, for once, we had separated schedules. Woozi was, as always, in his studio, while the Hip Hop Team—which consisted of Wonwoo, Mingyu, Vernon, and myself—had rap practice. The Performance Team, made up of Hoshi, Jun, The8, and Dino, had two special stages on SBS, while the others were with Woozi.
We had a rule: never leave Woozi alone, as he could slip into his little space, and being alone could make him scared of the smallest sound. Woozi was frightened by many things, like thunderstorms and the dark. Everyone had fears, even I did, but I didn't speak up about them. I was scared they wouldn't believe me because I looked strong and fearless.
When we were ready, we got to practice and split up. The Hip Hop Team entered the practice room, while the Performance Team headed to SBS, and Woozi, together with the vocal unit, went to the studio. That's how we managed our schedules. However, after about four and a half hours, my head started to hurt, and everything began to spin. I excused myself and tried to get to the dorm, but before I could enter, everything before my eyes turned black. I fainted.
I don't know how long I was out, but I woke up in my bed. Looking around, I saw the dummy and the stuffed panda on my nightstand. I grabbed the stuffed animal and smiled as I cuddled it, forgetting about the fact that I had just woken up in my bed without remembering how I got there.
I quietly sneaked out of my bed to the living area to see our manager. I was more than surprised, but he quickly noticed and smiled before leaving. I felt a bit better, even though I still had a headache. I let out a deep breath and sat down on the couch, closing my eyes. Everything around me seemed to slow down, while every little noise, like a car driving by, became louder.
Even though all the doors and windows were closed, I could still hear every little sound outside the dorm. I tried my best to ignore every sound and feeling, attempting to isolate myself while my headache slowly became worse. I groaned as the room began to spin around me again, feeling nauseous. I let out a whine when suddenly I heard a voice.
"Seung, are you okay?" Woozi's voice broke through the thick fog of my disoriented mind. I let out another whine, my throat dry and my brain struggling to form coherent words. Everything felt blurred, like I was underwater, and my thoughts were tangled and slow. Soon enough, I felt a pair of arms around me—Woozi's arms, familiar and comforting. His embrace was firm yet gentle, grounding me in the present moment. I was surprised but snuggled closer, desperate to block out the harsh light that pierced my eyes. I listened to his steady heartbeat, each thump a soothing anchor in my confusion. Gradually, I felt myself relax, the tension melting away from my body. The warmth of his chest, the rhythmic rise and fall of his breathing, all worked to lull me back into a peaceful sleep.
When I woke up again, the room was bathed in the soft glow of late afternoon light filtering through the curtains. I was still on the couch, the cushions soft beneath me, but Woozi was no longer there. The room was quiet, save for the distant murmur of voices from another part of the house. I felt a bit disoriented, my mind still foggy, but I slowly sat up, clutching the stuffed panda that had somehow ended up in my arms. Its soft fur was a small comfort, a tangible connection to the warmth I had felt earlier. I wandered back to the kitchen, the familiar path grounding me further, where I found Mingyu making some tea. The scent of chamomile filled the air, calming and inviting. He looked up from the stove, his brows knitting together in concern when he saw me.
"Hey, how are you feeling?" he asked, his voice gentle and soothing as he poured a cup for me.
I shrugged, accepting the tea gratefully. "A bit better, I think. Just a lingering headache," I admitted, my voice still a bit shaky. The steam from the tea rose in delicate spirals, warming my face.
"Good to hear," he said, patting my shoulder with a reassuring smile. "You really scared us, passing out like that."
"I didn't mean to," I replied softly, taking a sip of the tea. The warmth spread through me, soothing the ache in my head and the chill in my bones. "I guess I just pushed myself too hard."
"Yeah, you need to take care of yourself too, you know," he admonished gently, his eyes earnest and filled with concern. "We're a team, and we look out for each other."
I nodded, feeling a warmth spread through me—not just from the tea but from his words. It was easy to forget sometimes that I didn't have to carry everything on my own. I had my team, my friends, my family. The realization was a comfort, a reminder of the support that surrounded me. I took another sip of the tea, letting the flavors and warmth envelop me.
The rest of the day passed in a blur. I took it easy, resting and letting my body recover. The others checked in on me frequently, making sure I was comfortable and had everything I needed. Each visit brought a sense of reassurance, their presence a constant reminder that I wasn't alone. It felt nice, being cared for, and I allowed myself to enjoy it without feeling guilty. Each kind word, each gentle touch, reinforced the bond we shared, a tangible reminder of our connection and the strength we found in each other.
As night fell, I found myself back in bed, the stuffed panda by my side. The room was dimly lit, the soft glow from the bedside lamp casting comforting shadows. I stared at the ceiling, reflecting on the day's events. It had been a long time since I had let myself be vulnerable, but today showed me that it was okay to lean on others. It was a lesson I needed to relearn, the importance of trust and reliance on those who cared about me.
"Cheolie," a soft voice called from the doorway, pulling me from my thoughts. It was Woozi, holding the lavender dummy with the dolphin attached. The sight of it brought a wave of nostalgia and comfort, memories of simpler times washing over me. He walked over and placed it in my hands, his expression gentle and understanding.
"I thought you might want this," he said, his voice soothing and familiar.
I looked at him, then at the dummy. A smile tugged at my lips as I hugged it close. "Thanks, Woozi," I whispered, the words filled with gratitude and affection.
He nodded, smiling back. "Goodnight, Seung."
"Goodnight," I replied, feeling a sense of peace settle over me as he left the room. The darkness was no longer intimidating, but a blanket of comfort. I realized that it was okay to have fears, to feel weak sometimes. It didn't make me any less of a person or a leader. It made me human. And as I drifted off to sleep, cuddling the panda and the dummy, I knew that no matter what, I had my team to support me. Their strength was my strength, and together, we could face anything.
