The Courtship of a Queen & Her Knight

Love is Hell

"Noooooooooooo!"

"Oh, yes, Luci! I'll say it again! Welcome to Heaven! You have rightfully earned your place here!

"No! No! NO! No! No-no! No! NO!"

This went on for some time. Luci spouted out, in varying pitches and tones, his constant "No's" of denial and anger, while God, the Almighty Themself, watched on with amusement. As did Jerry because, Jerry was there too.

"Oi! I know 'im! He's the black kitty-cat that I put in the bottle!"

"Yes, Jerry! The "kitty-cat" as you call him that you see there before us, is the first demon EVER to be allowed through Heaven's Gate! This is a joyous occasion for all, but none more for Luci himself!"

"Hey! Pipe down, Sun-Head! I am a DEMON! I don't belong here! There has been a HUGE mistake and I want it rectified THIS INSTANT!"

For all of Luci's bravado and "big talk," his words only caused God to burst out into hearty and joyous laughter, which was joined in by a chorus of heavenly, angelic laughter, mixed with Jerry's obnoxious guffawing.

"Ha! He called you Sun-Head! He's right, y'know? Y'head does look a bit like the sun that I wasn't supposed to stare at for long, but I did anyway, and then I was seeing dark for a week or so."

"Now, now, you two. All is well! Luci, you have filled Heaven with laughter with your spirit and spunk! You are truly in the right place, for your courageous self-sacrifice in the attempt to save your friend is what earned your place here! In Heaven! Now you may enjoy Paradise for all eternity!"

"Clearly you don't have ears on that bulbous, stupid noggin' of yours!" Luci blasted back, setting one sassy hand (or paw... whatever Luci has) on his hip and the other pointing up at God. "Listen here, chump! I, the Great Luci, am! A! DEMON! Bitch! I'm too badass to... too, I don't know, what do you losers do? I guess hang around on a cloud all day? Thinking that you're all superior because you're blissfuly happy, while sipping water or some shit, because I assume you people are too lame for wine or whiskey. That's my future here? Flapping my lame-ass wings and playing a stupid harp until the very end?!"

"I think they prefer the lyre 'ere," Jerry piped up.

"NO ONE ASKED YOU!"

"Woah, now, Luci! There's no need to be stern with sweet Jerry here. Everything will be alright! I understand if you feel a bit confused or overwhelmed, so I invite you to take a stroll through the heavenly plane! Take some time to think. Who knows! Well, I suppose I do because I am all-knowing, but I am sure that you'll find a familiar face up here that will help you find your path and place."

"Screw that! Screw you! I'm outta here!"

Continuing to grumble, Luci stomped off, still clearly pissed, and under the impression that he was doing what he wanted to do but was in fact just doing what God just suggested that he do. If he wasn't so mad already, this realization only would've pissed off the former-demon even more.

Jerry, slightly swinging his legs from his position upon God's knee, smiled broader and looked up to God.

"I think he took that very well."

Luci, however, would disagree.

Everywhere he looked, he saw insufferable bullshit!

Like, really!? White clouds... happy, blissful faces... people playing tennis?

"Oh, hell no..." the ex-demon grumbled, before being reminded that he was, in fact, technically no longer a demon, so him ending up in Heaven did make sense.