Enigma

BFF pt.5

Hey... It's me... I know you're worried about me but I'm fine, or should I say I'm not? I don't know... things just added up to be true but  I don't want to believe it myself, but then again If I wanted to live normally, I should do this, right? For once, I shouldn't be such a coward anymore... Well, wish me luck! I hope this is the right decision... And, that I come back fine? HAHA.. Aight' laters!!
9:46 pm

I shot the message to Jonah and Roseanne as I sat on the swings at a neighboring town. I took a sip of my soda to refresh myself, staring at the moon whose watching me execute such a horrible plan of mine. I wondered once again if I was doing the right thing or not. I can't help but doubt myself, since this is the first time that I'll ever stand my ground. The wind picked up and brushed past my body as if it were caressing me. The park was quiet and cool, it felt like a peaceful night. 

"Hi!! Omg!! I missed you so much! We just missed 3 whole days!! Where were you are you okay?" Alessa sat at the swing beside mine as I kept calm, hands inside my pockets as if I weren't disturbed by her presence. I did call her out.

"Yeah... I'm fine"

"What's up? why'd you called? you need anything? you want anything? spill it and I'll give it!"

"No... just... I just wanna talk..."

"Go ahead!!"

"I... These past few months have been a mess for me... I can't help but feel uncomfortable and anxious. Everything suddenly changed in such a short time that I wasn't able to process everything that quickly, and now that I'm trying to be open, I can't help but still, give up. I feel weird and afraid. And now, with Jonah and Roseanne, it felt really new. They told me a lot of things and made me realize a lot as well, somehow everything adds up but I also don't want it to... I just felt overwhelmed, I don't want to do this, I don't want to believe in it... But, I think we should put an end to it, together, so that we wouldn't be hurt or anything. I believe it would be for the better..."

"I knew it..." 

I hoped she understood what I just said even though I can't explain it properly. There's still more that I wanted to say, but my voice won't come out. Neither of us said a word to each other nor exchanged glances. We sat there in silence as our feet stopped the swing from moving. I locked gazes with the ground- praying that this will finally be over and I wouldn't have to be afraid anymore, that it would be normal between us once again. Finally, she stood up and faced me smiling.

"I knew it. Those people are annoying aren't they?"

"What?"

"They've been disturbing our bonding times a lot and I fucking hate those shitheads! They're always... always!! messing with our time!! It's pissing me off!! If I could I'd really kill them all! Ughhh!! I knew I should've come with you in that stupid partner thing... I would've been a better partner in that project!! She even said you're her friend? Fuck that nobody can ever be your friend!! Nobody understands you as I do!! I'm the only friend you could ever have!! And I totally agree with you!! We should put an end to it, together!!" She reached out her hand to me as she giggled and laugh. I stared in shock at what she was telling me.
The only friend I could ever have?

My heart pounded like drums, my lungs crushed the pathways for me to breathe normally as I slowly inhale and exhale. I try my best not to show her I was muddled and terrified; my hands are sweating, my whole body trembles, and my head felt pain pricking like needles. I just wanted to go back home, where I'm safe.