Sharp Flowers

Part 14

I bolt upright up in bed. Owls hoot and call out periodically. Dim light sneaks in around the edges of the window blinds. I've been turning and rolling around for hours. There's no way I'm going to get any sleep tonight. I slip out of my room to sit outside. Even with the cool night breeze, the heat is still stifling. Sebastian really isn't a bad guy. I'm just doing what I'm supposed to do. Fighting, practicing, and training to fight some more.

"Can't sleep?" Sebastian guesses, coming around the corner, "It's a nice night," he comments.

"Can't you feel the heat?" I scoff, and then it hits me. He's cold all the time; it probably feels good to him. His response is a careless shrug with a faint smile. "Does the curse ever bother you?" I wonder, tilting my head to the side.

"Hm, it was a little weird," Sebastian starts, looking up as staring into space for his thoughts. "I woke up," Sebastian answers, "I can only imagine it's what being a corpse feels like," Sebastian wonders. He takes a seat nearby with an apparent gap between us. He leans back, taking a deep breath, and sighs. What a sad way to live. For the rest of your life to be cold and lonely, confined to the dark. It sounds depressing. "And your training?"

"Okay, I guess. Why?" I answer. He just shrugs, still gazing out at the dark open yard before us.

"Just wondering. It's important to you, right?" Sebastian replies. I glance his way, considering scooting next to him. Did he believe me when I said he didn't scare me? I know he doesn't scare me, yet at the same time, he makes me nervous. But this isn't fear. It's almost like I'm giddy, hesitant, ad skittish. But this isn't worry; he doesn't frighten me.

"Peter says I need to calm my nerves more and control my emotions," I admit.

"What do you have to be worried about?" Sebastian wonders, "Raven? Talk to me; what worries you?" he inquires further. What worries me. Death. Failing as a Knight. Responsibility. I've been hiding my identity as a noble. I can't let whatever this is I'm feeling distract me. "Raven?" Sebastian snaps me out of my thoughts. "You trust me, right? Talk to me, please," he pleads with me.

"I'm the only one able to fight with you, and there are still empty council seats that need to be filled," I remind myself, "That's why you kept suggesting I become your wife," I add. It makes sense when nearly all council seats are empty. He's running out of time to stabilize a fragile board and keep order. Sebastian takes a deep breath and goes quiet. I'll take it that I was right.

"The board is unstable with territory lords realizing they might have a chance to sit on the board. Of course, I was pushing to have you on the board. You're a legitimate heir," Sebastian confirms my suspicions. I cross my arms a little tighter around myself. "But I don't expect anything of you, Raven. At least not in that sense," Sebastian assures me. I nod my head without a word, but that doesn't shake these conflicting feelings.

"I'm sorry to have put you in this spot," I admit.

"I- um. I mean- It's not your fault any of this turned out this way," he offers, but I shake my head.

"But it's not my place to worry you, Kisomen," I note. Sebastian frowns, lips parting, but he bites his lip and holds his silence. I sigh, shaking my head at myself; what am I doing here?

"Raven, I promised you can trust me, and I meant it. If you have concerns, even if they are about me or your place here, you don't have to bottle them up," Sebastian promises me and catches my eye. But I still wonder, am I just a tool? "Besides, you don't talk enough? I never get to hear your voice," Sebastian complains, his sarcasm seeping in. I can't help but giggle, and he offers a friendly smile. If his words are true, then there is nothing to expect from either of us. Yet, my chest feels warm and light as air.