Sebastian Stan and Bucky Barnes Imagines

Sleepless Nights (BB)

Hi yall I have not been doing too good lately, this fic is a request but I see it as a way to get my feelings out, and to help me I am still using Y/n but Y/n is female. I have not tried this in my writing yet but I hope you like it. This request was made by @cappypotato on Instagram. TW THIS FIC CONTAINS ANGST BUT ENDS IN FLUFF AND MENTIONS OF BAD MENTAL HEALTH MENTION OF EATING DISORDERS AND SELF HARM. 

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It is 1 am in the compound. Y/n is up for another sleepless night. She is wearing a hoodie and shorts with her knees to her chest in a chair outside on the balcony. Her head in her hands she sniffles. It has been a very rough past couple of days for her. 

Bucky can't sleep either something is just telling him someone needs help but he can't figure out who it is. So with that Bucky gets up and goes to get a drink of water. He is in a white t-shirt and grey sweatpants. His feet cold on the tile floor. He stops in his tracks when he sees the balcony door open, he takes a peek outside and sees Y/n with some tears falling down her cheeks. His heart breaks seeing one of his best friends hurt. 

Bucky knocks on the open door to get Y/n attention. She jumps and immediately wipes her tears and puts on a fake smile. "Sorry Y/n I didn't mean to scare ya" he says sitting next to her. "What's wrong?" He asks wanting to help. "It's nothing I just wanted to look at the stars" Y/n lies. 

Bucky gives her a look, "Y/n I know somethings up I saw you crying, hell I even watched you wipe your tears" Y/n sighs a bit and uses the sleeve of her hoodie to wipe her nose. "I don't want to talk about it"

"Y/n we talked about this you can't do what I used to do, bottling emotions up isn't good for you" Bucky says while putting his hand on her back rubbing small circles. "Well it has gotten me this far" she states kind of harshly. Bucky sighs now "Y/n you bottle everything up I know a fake smile when I see one. Letting it get to the point where everything becomes too much and explodes is not a good way to cope. Please tell me what's wrong" 

Y/n turns to him her eyes fill with more tears as she looks into his blue ones. Bucky smiles softly "I won't tell anyone I just want to help" 

"Promise" she says softly. Bucky nods "Yes I put it on Steve" this causes Y/n to give a very slight smile. "So I got played again in short the person I was seeing changed their mind about me. They went quiet out of the middle of nowhere and then said they want us to go back to friends, they told me they were crazy about me and I was crazy about them too. But I guess I was wrong yet again." 

"Aww Y/n I am so sorry I know you told me about them you really liked them, you were so happy" he states and pulls Y/n into a hug. "I know but I fucked it up I always fuck it up, this has happened to me three other times. They said maybe when they figure out what they want we could get back together but that never happens Bucky never" Y/n is crying again into Bucky's shoulder. "They always leave, they always lie to me. They say that they care and won't hurt me but go and do this. They leave because of my mental issues Buck, they leave because they always find someone else, they leave because they realized they never liked me. I am not designed for love the whole thing about soulmates is bullshit I am better off alone. I don't believe in love anymore" she sobs. 

Bucky hugs her a bit tighter and whispers "Let it out I'm here, I'm not going anywhere" Y/n nods a bit and continues. "I always let my walls down and when I do they take the pieces and throw them away and break them more. I can't keep having that happen. I am tired of believing the same fucking lies just to end up getting hurt. That is why I am done with love, I know I have seen all my friends get engaged, get married hell even start families on their own but that isn't for me. I am not doing this whole love bullshit ever again. I just can't do it again" Bucky nods "I know it's hard Y/n I was there too but the right person is out there for you sometimes it takes some searching" 

"Well they are not out there for me Buck, I am just not a match for anyone I have tried and it has all given me trauma, anxiety, trust issues, and overall just fucked me up" Y/n finishes. "I understand what you are saying Y/n but don't shut people out or push them away" He says. 

"I have to Bucky to protect myself and not get hurt again" Y/n says quickly. Bucky nods "well you always have me and I know you know that. I am never gonna leave you hanging, you are one of my best friends I'd do anything for you" He smiles. 

"I only trust you Bucky but I just don't want to try again ever" she looks up at him. Bucky looks at her understandly "And that is ok Y/n. Do you feel at least a little bit better?"

She shrugs "I don't know I just feel numb but stupid as hell for trusting someone else again. but I guess it has some way of feeling better.' 

"You have emotional and mental trauma Y/n that shit just does not go away overnight and I know you know this. But if you chose not to try again that is totally ok" he holds her a bit more as she starts to break down again. "I just want to know why I am such a big fuck up with everything especially love why does no one love me Bucky? I know why I am ugly, I am not worth it or just anyone's type" 

Bucky holds Y/n as she lets all her emotions out. He can tell this is hard on her, he knows she really liked this person, she told everyone about them. The light in her eyes was the brightest he's seen in a while. Seeing her hurt like this hurt him, she has always been the one to not show pain, she would put on a smile. She always put others first when they asked for help. She would drop anything to help anyone but she never took time to help herself. He remembered her coming to talk to him about this person, she was trying to find out who she is and who she loves. He remembered how nervous she was to tell him, when she did he gave his best advice to her and told her he would support her every step of the way. He thinks of Y/n as his sister, she reminds him of Rebecca. He hates that the world is so cruel to her. 

Y/n was still crying and letting her feelings out to him but he could tell this was making her tired. "Y/n I need you, to be honest with me" he asks. She nods. "When is the last time you slept and when is the last time you took time for yourself" 

Y/n looks down knowing this answer won't be something Buck is going to like. "I haven't slept since they broke it off and when do I ever take time for myself" 

"Y/n you need sleep I know you are hurting but your body needs it just how you need to eat and drink water. How about we do that together right now" He smiles warmly at her. This brings him back to the other times he has helped her, like when she first got her eating disorder and how he made sure she ate even if it was just a little bit. He remembers when he first saw the scares on the inside of her thighs from her attempts at taking her own life. He remembers walking in on her latest attempt. She knows she can trust him and she knows that he knows this. 

"How about I get us something small I promise to eat and drink with you" he says, she neds quickly. He takes her to the kitchen. She jumps up on the counter like she normally does when they do this. Bucky grabs some carrots, ranch, grapes, and some water. He slowly eats and drinks at the same time she does. 

The two finish the small amount of food by this time Y/n can barely keep her eyes open. Bucky carries her to the couch, lays her down covering her up, and makes sure she is comfortable. He lays down on the ground and watches over her for the night. He would do anything for his best friend she knows and is grateful for him. 

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------I kinda made it short at the end but oh well thanks for reading.