To Every Girl I Ever Loved

- h a n n a h -

dear hannah,

i don't know if you remember me. i suppose it doesn't matter anyways, cause this letter won't even make it to you. i have no idea where you live now, or where to send this.

anyways, maybe you don't remember me. but i remember you. we lived on the same street back in elementary school. you moved away in the fifth grade. we were best friends.

i loved you. i know you're probably thinking that the fifth grade is too young to love someone, but i did. at least i think it was love.

sure, we didn't kiss or talk about deep stuff, being kids and all, but i remember feeling happiest whenever you were around. enough so that i still think about you sometimes.

there was this one time, it was valentine's day, and i didn't get a single valentine.

okay, correction; i got the generic, written by parents, every kid gets one cause we're in the same class valentine.

but while all the other boys, the popular ones, were getting handmade, written valentines from girls that had crushes on them, i got zip, zero, zilch, nada. it hurt.

until later that day you came up to me. it was like the rain clouds were finally gone and the sun was able to brighten the world again. of course, at the time i didn't realize that.

you gave me a valentine. and damn, it was the prettiest valentine i'd ever seen. i could just imagine the way you sat at your desk, carefully gluing those gemstones on, writing out the nicest message i'd ever gotten in your loopy script.

i still have the valentine.

i didn't know it then, but i was in love. maybe you knew. cause i definitely followed you around like a love sick puppy. until you left.

and then i was like a lost puppy. i cried for weeks. i remember the last time i saw you.

you had your hair in braids and you had silent tears streaming down your face. i don't know if those tears were for me, like mine were for you, or if they were for the home you were leaving.

you hugged me and said goodbye. and then you got in the car, where your parents were waiting, and drove away. you waved. i waved. and that was it.

i never saw you again. we never talked either. it's not like we had phones to text with, and writing letters seemed like a monumental task.

kind of ironic that i'm writing a letter to you now.

i've graduated high school. you have too, i'm sure. i'm going to harvard in the fall. i wonder if maybe you're going to harvard too. and maybe i'll see you there, surrounded by a group of friends. and maybe i'll just know. i'll recognize you. and maybe you'll recognize me. and maybe we'll reminisce all those days i spent following you around like a lovesick puppy. maybe we'll talk about everything that's happened since we last saw each other.

maybe.

anyways, i guess i just wanted to say thank you for being my first love.

so thank you.

the boy from your old neighborhood,
oliver