To Every Girl I Ever Loved

- l i l l i a n -

dear lillian,

i don't know if you'll get this letter. because i don't know where to send it, except for the summer camp we worked at together and i don't know if they would be able to send it to you.

that was 3 years ago. we were both 15 and i needed volunteer hours for school. i figured the best, least boring way to get them was by spending my summer being a camp leader.

we didn't go to the same school, but you had the same idea. and that was one of the best summers of my life.

mostly because of you.

i never said it, but i loved you. that summer, all my thoughts were consumed by you. and then when summer ended, i couldn't stop
thinking about you. even in the midst of all the heartbreak i was feeling at the end of us.

us. i loved us almost as much as i loved you. being together just made my heart soar.

and look, i know i'm being super sentimental, but i'm also being honest. so no judgement, alright?

i was so sad when summer ended. cause it meant saying good bye to you.

it meant no more glances across the dining hall. no more swimming under the starlight. no more pranks on other cabins. no more holding you in my arms. no more kissing your button nose. no more laughing at your sarcasm. no more us.

when i went back to school, all my friends asked me why i was so depressed. it was cause i knew i'd never see you again.

sure, we traded numbers, but you never called or texted. and i figured that probably meant
you wouldn't want me to text or call you. obviously i now realize that was a monumental mistake on my part.

but it's a too late to go back.

it makes me wonder what we could have been. if i had just texted or called you, could we have stayed an us?

i guess we'll never know.

but i'll still be forever grateful that i got to spend those two months with you. they were two of the best months of my life.

and maybe it was just a summer fling. but i don't like to think of it like that. for me, it was a lot more than just a fling. i loved you. and i really hope you loved me too.

but it's okay if you didn't, because i still had the chance to love you, and i'm glad that i did.

so thank you lillian. thank you for giving me two of the best months of my life. and for letting me love you, even when i was an awkward, scrawny kid that had no idea how to be in a relationship.

the boy from dogwood cabin,
oliver