Affections and Attention

Chapter 9

It took a lot to figure out how to write the last chapter and it made me sad but it had to be done. Now, on with the story!

Affections and Attention

Chapter 9

It had been several months since the incident; in that time Hisoka had been healing physically but hadn’t come out of her shell. She had barely spoken a word and had lost so much weight from her lack of appetite. She spent a lot of her time out in the back of the house where they had buried their child, face drawn and looking heartbreakingly sad. Deep down, she was just waiting for Kyouya to divorce her.

Kyoya had been suffering too, losing his first child. He had taken a break from working altogether, taking his time to grieve but now it was his turn to make sure she ate properly and slept the appropriate number of hours. It was hard though, having her not say a word and just sitting there like a broken doll. It made him want to tear his hair out because he didn’t know how to make her feel any better. He wasn’t good at the emotional stuff and he was nervous to bring up the topic to her.

Kyoya Ootori, nervous? What a laugh. He had always been good at hiding behind a mask but everything lately had left him drained and frazzled. He decided not to do it on his own this time though, constantly inviting over members of the host club to keep them company and to try and bring some sort of life back into Hisoka’s eyes.  It was a great help to Kyoya to know his friends didn’t abandon him after the way he had treated them and made him grateful for what he had now.

He currently stood several feet behind his wife, loose button up shirt partially undone and  worn jeans. His hair was a mess and there were dark circles under his eyes. His arms were slack at his side as he figured out what to say. He had given her as much space as he could bear and sometimes even pushed it to get a rise out of her but nothing.

“Hisoka,” he called to her, voice surprisingly gentle and soft.

She didn’t turn her head, dark hair loose in the light breeze. She had a shawl wrapped around herself and the only sign of life was her gripping it tighter around her. Her tired eyes stayed focus on the tombstone in front of her. She knew not burying her son by the rest of the Ootori family was untraditional but she wanted her baby close to home.

He approached slowly, giving her time to hear him coming closer to her.

“Let’s go inside where it’s warm, please,” he said, stopping when he was directly behind her. He placed a hand on her shoulder, lightly though just in case.

Her head turned slightly, feeling his fingers on her shoulder. Her eyebrows furrowed but she didn’t shrug away his hand, not sure if it was because she didn’t care or if she just didn’t have the energy to. She slowly stood up, wincing at her aching body as she did so. A small gasp escaped her lips and she felt Kyoya’s hands on her waist to help her up and steady herself.

Her eyes burned, wanting to cry but she had cried herself out the last few months. There were no tears left to cry, just sorrow that seemed to fill her inside.

“Why don’t you just leave me? Why do you stay?” She whispered, not turning to face him, only gripping her shawl tighter until her knuckles turned white.

His eyebrows nearly reached his hairline when she spoke but he didn’t let go of her, more surprised by the thought that she had asked such a question.

“Because I care for you Hisoka. I don’t know how to prove it to you, but I do,” he answered, staring down at the back of her head, willing her to turn out so he could look her in the eyes as he spoke the truth. He wanted nothing more than just to tell her, to make her understand just how frustrating it was to not be able to get his feelings out to her like he wanted.

She turned around to face him, biting her lip. It was her fault for fighting him for so long, for running out and ultimately getting their baby killed. She just didn’t understand how he was still willing to stay after she had pushed him away for just as long as he had pushed her away.

“But it’s my fault we’re standing here,” she said, pulling away from him. Her heart ached as she did so and she looked away, unable to continue to look him in the eyes.

An uncharacteristic sound bubbled out of Kyoya’s mouth, the sound of shock and disbelief. How in the world did she think it was her fault? He had what he got coming to him and they wouldn’t be in this mess if he hadn’t given her a try.

“Your fault?! If it’s anyone’s fault it’s mine!” He said, reaching out and taking a hold of her face to make her look up at him. He was gentle but firm, waiting for her to finally make eye contact with him.

“But…”

“No Hisoka. I care about you and I should have seen that sooner. I would have been able to prevent Kenji from being taken away from us and we would be a family,” he said, jaw tensing as he said so. He didn’t look away from her and he didn’t let go of her face so she knew that he meant what he said.

“I made several mistakes and I don’t know how to fix them. I’m watching you fade away before me and I don’t know what action to take. I’m not going to let you go because you are my wife and I’ll be damned if I can’t make myself a decent husband for you,” he said, shaking her face slightly for emphasis.

Her eyes widened, wanting to believe it was a lie but his dark eyes only spoke the truth. She wanted to cry and scream and hug him all at once because she had been waiting for him to say that for so long and she had given up hope. Perhaps they could be saved after all.

“Are you willing to take one last chance with me and start over?” He asked after a moment of silence. He let go of her face as he waited, searching her eyes for some sort of positive reaction. He wanted to keep their marriage from falling apart and he wanted to make it up to her, to see her smile again.

She was speechless, not expecting the past few minutes to have ever happened in her future. She expected him to ask for a divorce and take their losses because of what had happened. She had thought he was going to get a second try and another marriage that he would be able to choose from but nothing like this.

“Yes,” she said, not looking away this time, holding his gaze but she did not smile or frown.

A wave or relief surged through Kyoya when she answered him, unable to stop himself from smiling for the first time in what seemed like years. He wanted to embrace her and to hold her, to try and take her pain away but he was sure that was going too far too fast.

“Thank you Hisoka,” he said, doing the only thing he knew he could do without freaking her out more than he already had.

He bowed before her, taking her hand and kissed the back of it like a gentleman before turning towards the house. He didn’t let go of her hand though, meaning to pull her inside so he could get her to eat. His first task was getting her to gain back her original weight and to get back into the routine of working but still making time to be with her.

She didn’t know exactly what he had in mind, and really, he didn’t either. She was going to giving him a chance, a decent one and he wasn’t going to let her down. The gears were starting to turn in his head and he was going to treat her how she was supposed to be treated and he hoped he would gain back the love from her that she had always given him before.