~ Fray's POV ~
"I'm not myself right now." I shook my head staring at the corner of the table. "I'm feeling out of tune with who im supposed to be." The events of the night before replaying in my head.
"Hmm.." She hummed.
I felt like tucking my tail from the world. I was riddled with guilt and I couldn't stand to look at myself in the mirror. I hadn't left the apartment for work. I was waiting here for cops to come knocking at my door sometime soon. I was ready to be dragged out in cuffs. it wouldn't have been a first, but they never came.
"Why do you feel like that Fray?" She asked calmly. and that's what I loved about Tabitha. Out of all my siblings, she had her way of staying leveled. She was spiritual like that - she wore neutral colors, studied crystals, locked her hair, and smoked banga all day.
A day had turned to two then four, and before I knew it, it was another week.
"I can't talk about it." I offered instead of lying to her.
She gave me s look before shrugging her shoulders and lighting her joint. "Well," She puffed out some smoke. "when you can, you know I'm here for you, bugga." I smiled slightly at the use of my childhood nickname.
I always really appreciated talking to Tabatha and I appreciated her respecting my boundaries
~~~~~
I concluded I needed to keep my head down and completely avoid her...
And It was easy seeing that when we usually saw each other it was when she was helping me get into my apartment after a fight. Since I wasn't going to be fighting for a while all I had to do was leave before or after her.
It was a lot, I know. But in actuality, what do you do when you accidentally choke someone?
One early morning I heard her arguing with a man. My instincts kicked in and I rushed to the door it was until I heard the context of the argument; did I stop myself from leaving the apartment.
My heart sank hearing them argue about the bruising along her neck. I was the one to have caused it. I've always sworn to never put my hands and someone who never deserved it fight club was one thing, but this was just straight wrong.
While listening at heard her complain about missing out on her coffee because she was up too early. The next morning, I woke up earlier than I planned to, and treated her to coffee, leaving it at a small, dingy table next to her apartment door.
I was desperate and I was guilty. It was the least I could do I thought.
What else could I do? Going up to her and saying, 'Hey, sorry for choking you in my sleep, I didn't mean to. I have a lot of issues that I'm going through.' didn't seem enough.
~~~~~
I was immersed in guilt and a lot of self-reflection. I'd wondered if her boyfriend wanted to kill me...if it was my girl in this situation I'd have to commit murder.
Something about the stress of this triggered me. I'd find myself reading the bible. 'In Him, we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of His grace' I sat back on my couch...
That night I'd been dreaming, once again. I was reliving my childhood. It wasn't the best, having been abandoned by my parents for a permanent vacation in Vegas, and living with an uncle who participated in the art of trafficking or at least pimping. To say I experienced things was the short answer. Those experiences still affected me in my adult life.
After leveling myself, I decided to play 2k. I was playing online with a couple of randoms they were terrible, and made my mood dip even more. I wasn't the type to rage not usually, but we were currently in a tight game down one with 15 seconds on the clock all that had to be was throw me a lob so we could win but instead, he shot a 3. And air-balled.
