Alexander's Gift

The Actress- 2

1944

There was an uncomfortable silence that hung in the air the whole time Mary moved around the kitchen, washing the dishes, while James sat on the couch ten feet away, reading a book. Only, she couldn't help feeling like he only had the book, and was simply using it as an excuse to pretend like he wasn't staring at her. After she had finished scrubbing all the plates, Mary finally came to a point where she could no longer contain herself, and primly stripped off her rubber gloves, taking the time to lay them nicely on the side of the sink before meeting James' unreadable gaze. "What's wrong?"

"What do you mean?" He met her gaze with a feigned innocence, but Mary knew him well enough to catch the twitch of his lip indicating a lie. 

"Come on, Jimmy, you've been staring at me for the last thirty minutes. Just let it out, already!" Mary crossed her arms over her chest authoritatively, and James rolled his eyes before putting down his book without bothering to mark the page he was on, which Mary knew with a triumphant feeling meant that he was not reading, but rather watching her. 

"Fine. Look, you know that I'm turning sixteen this year," James let the end of his sentence hang in the air, which made it feel like it rested somewhere between a statement and a question, to which Mary hesitantly nodded, unsure of where he was heading with this. "Well, I know that you been wantin' to sing and to become an actress for a long time. And I also know that you're good enough to be either." He abruptly dropped his gaze as he spoke, a blush rising to his cheeks as was custom for a boy his age, but he continued to speak, "You've been supporting me my whole life, and I just think that it's an awful shame you'd have to waste your best years here looking after me when I can go off to work right now." 

"No, it's not a waste of my time! I want to look after you!" Mary stepped from behind the counter with an accused look in her eyes. But no matter what her intentions were, both she and James knew that they were not living in an ideal situation. Nevertheless, Mary refused to acknowledge the swelling of excitement deep within her chest. It was her job to look after James. She couldn't just let him leave school to work simply because she wanted to be an actress.

"Well, you won't have to anymore. Because it's my choice what I want to do, and I'm going to take up Cousin Denney in Oregon up on his offer of a job." James looked at her with a clenched jaw, refusing to allow himself to be swayed by anything Mary said, and she knew that as she looked at him. The hardened expression of indignation that had settled over her delicate features lingered for a moment longer before a smile broke through, and she crossed the room to pick a surprised James up into a bone-crushing hug. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!" She cried out with what she reckoned to be the most genuine joy she had ever felt in her life. She was going to New York City!

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It took Mary less than a week to sell all of her belongings that didn't fit into her single bag of luggage, and calculated that from those earnings she had enough for the bus ride to NYC and the first month of rent for a studio apartment. She could have spent the whole time feeling incredibly guilty for 'leaving' James, but she came to the conclusion on the first night of not being able to sleep out of excitement that she'd spent enough of her life letting her life be defined and constrained by her parents' mistakes. She'd raised John and James to the best of her ability, and James was now old enough to make his own decisions. If he wanted to liberate her, then so be it. She loved James, and he loved her, but they both knew that she was floundering there. She needed to pursue her own passions . . . for the sake of her sanity.

When it was finally time for her to leave, and the voice in her head wouldn't stop ringing the alarm, this is it, Mary- this is the point of no return, she found herself filled with sudden, dual feelings of fear and elated confidence. She knew why she was fearful- she was going to be entering the largest city in the U.S. to try to make it in one of the most competitive career paths- there were a lot of ways to fail, a lot of ways to get hurt, a lot of reasons to be scared. But at the same time she was able to briskly stride onto the bus with head raised proudly because she knew that for her to have the gall to get up and take such a risky step in life surely meant she was not the type of person to be defeated so easily.

To Mary's relief, she did not have to worry about people striking up conversations with her on the ride to New York, for she realized that if she simply leaned her head against the window and slitted her eyes most of the way closed, strangers would not want to bother her if there was a chance she was asleep. For as adventurous as Mary felt in that moment of leaving home, she was not accustomed to taking public transportation, and was thus wary of befriending people who might not have her best intentions in mind. Maybe she had watched one too many motion pictures, but either way she just wanted to reach New York safely and without disturbance.

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"Here's your room, honey. Now you come right downstairs if you need any help. Any help at all, dear." Mary's new landlord, a frail, but invitingly warm old woman with a smile that seemed to take up half of her face, cupped Mary's cheeks with her warm, wrinkled hands for a moment with some emotion filling her dark eyes that seemed to be a cross between motherly love and pity before respectfully leaving her to unpack her single suitcase.

Heaving a deep sigh of relief because Mary had worried in the back of her mind all week that she might not have a place to stay the first night in New York, she shut the door behind her and plopped down on the stark blue chair in the living room. A tired smile played at her lips as she gazed at the floral-printed wallpaper giddily. This was her place. Hers. Maybe, just maybe, she'd do alright on her own.