STILES | AVENGERS

i need to say

Hay guys, I know it's random but I need to say this I think.

I had a friend in school and we all just graduated some weeks ago and we all were happy to be out of the school but also worried and nourves about what to do next.

I've always been kinda outsider becouse I never let anyone inn easily. If I have any friends then they are the once putting all the effort in that friendship. I'm not proud of this think about me but I have really bad trust issues and u can't socialise.

Couple of days ago she called me and asked if a can meet her sometime and I just said yes, but last night I got call from her sister that she tried to overdose on her and her mom's medicines. I won't say I was surprised becouse everyone know she was not in her right mind, like most of eighteen and nineteen year olds.

Compitition and pressure was too much for her to handle. I'm glad her mom found her and she will be fine because after something like this heppend everyone gets their senses back

That just how it works sadly

I also turned nineteen today and I'm literally not caring about anything in my life and that's kinda scary. Because I'm just taking some blind shots and hoping they will get a bullseye.

I'm too much confused and nourves you n my life right now and that's not helping my anxiety, asthma, migraines and my fear to even walk out of my house.

I can't go outside or in any public place alone becouse I got too overwhelmed that I got panic attack. This year after I went to school after a year I got a really bad migraine that my dad have to pick me up from middle of the school and I didn't go back to school for three days after that.

I've been having less then 40% attendance while you need 75% to give exams from last four years. Teachers been making acception for me becouse I'm a good student and also have some medical issues to let me give exams and I always somehow passed with average marks even if I didn't know name of half of the chapters.

Now that I'm finally out of school I'm having trouble deciding to choose my career. After trying too hard to crack that interview I dumped it myself because I don't want to be stuck with a job and want to do anything creative I can, that's why I'm starting a YouTube channel. So I can do as much as I want and connect with people.

I think Wattpad and this story gave me enough courage to stop doing something I actually don't like but pretended to like. Now I'm atleast trying something I feel right doing just like writting and I want to thank you guys for that.

You guys might not know but you're giving me the confidence to see what should I do and also love. I know now that even if I'm never ready to meet new people or interact with them but I still like to entertain and that's makes me truly happy.

My elder sister and my dad have been the biggest support system for me and now also you guys.

Sorry for written it all here but I really needed a place to say all that and I also wanted to thank you guys for giving this book so much love.

I know most of you are also in same age zone where you might feel confused, lost, scared, not good enough and desperate to find a place in society to fit in but I want to tell you all that you don't have to fit in, you don't have to be a good men or women for this shitty society when you can be a best you.

If you ever feel you need to change for someone or something then that's not worth it. Just be yourself and whatever is right for you will come find you. And if that happens, it will be for forever.

I'm struggling right now like most of you but hopefully it's gonna end sooner then later.