Dawn

5- I'm Not That Girl

February 10, 2012

I was sitting at lunch, picking at my food, while I sat with Teddy, Victoire, and Adrian. Normally, I'd be more eager to eat. But today? Too many distractions.

There was the general buzz of Valentine's Day being mere days away. All the couples were blissfully flirting and eating lunch together. And then there was those who've been rejected already moping around aimlessly. And the giddy excitement of those preparing to ask their crush out. Some of them will be heartbroken Tuesday, joining those who are moping today. The rest will join the couples who flirt all the time, to the point where it is annoying, and it reminds you of how sad and lonely you are and always will be.

But anyways...

My thoughts seemed to bounce around from Valentine's Day to Quidditch to Victoire back to Valentine's Day to my parents and back to Quidditch, and to Victoire again, and to how cold it was in the Great Hall today, to thank God we're not in the courtyard right now because it's even colder outside to the fact that a Squib was murdered by their pureblooded brother last week to the fact that my cousin was holding hands with Victoire.

Victoire kindly smiled back at her new boyfriend with her gentle blue eyes. If you looked at those eyes of hers, you could tell she was a Weasley. They were gentle and welcoming, yet they held the quiet call for adventure present in all her uncles and her aunt, as well as all her cousin. Her eyelashes accented those blue eyes to make them pop out more.

She had flowing, long blonde hair that fell so gracefully a few inches below her shoulders. I would practically kill to have such beautiful hair. Or such a beautiful face and smile.

With that smile, she smiled at my cousin, Teddy, whose hair seemed to get bluer every day. They were together now. And they were happy. They seemed perfect together.

Yet still, a part of me wanted to be in Teddy's position.

I loved Victoire too. I loved her hair, her eyes, her smile. I loved her artistic abilities, and her incredible brain, her bravery, her kindness, her patience. I loved how she sometimes picked flowers on our walks that we took in our free time. I liked how she made special bookmarks for every book she read. Everything about her was just so amazing.

I love her, but she is dating my cousin.

I guess I'm happy for her. I know I can trust Teddy, and he won't mistreat her or break her heart. It's better that it's Teddy and not anyone else. But I still can't help but wish it was me.

Four days later, Valentine's Day was upon us. That morning, I left the Gryffindor Common Room as soon as possible, in order to avoid Teddy and Victoire. The last thing I needed was the fact that I was single being shoved down my throat. Of course, they weren't trying to do that, it just sorta happened anyways. Maybe I was doing it to myself. It's a stupid thing to do to love your cousin's girlfriend.

Naturally, I tried to find a way to distract myself. First, I watched a few episodes of glee, but I soon became frustrated because Rachel got all the solos. I mean, come on! Mercedes is right there! And Sue, as terrible as she is, occasionally makes a good point.

My next distraction attempt was putting my showtunes playlist on. (Thanks, Adrian). And for a while, it worked.

But my playlist decided to hit me with I'm Not That Girl from Wicked, and suddenly, I could not hide from my thoughts any longer. It was healthy to let out emotions, wasn't it? So I just curled up on the couch and sobbed.

For the joke of it, I put on the "all by myself" song and recreated the mini scene from glee with Emma Pillsbury, but then turned the music off and returned to the scheduled weeping.