Uncovering 15 yrs.

First day of being 15 yrs. old human.

Birthdays, I hate them as much as  I hate school.

Expecting to be greeted by everyone around you, even though you hate talking about your birthday. People used to think you should be grateful for another year, another age for you to waste. It may be a blessing for those who want to survive and keep living, but I'm on the contrary.

Now, you may be thinking that I'm one of those dramatic teenagers who gets depressed when being grounded, or getting their phones away from them. Well, I'm indeed depressed, but not because of those stupid reasons.

Just to be clear why I hate birthdays is because it's awkward to be greeted when you don't greet them when it's their birthday. I just think that I'm being unfair to them, because I was once a kid, and still a kid, but I felt being the most special person when they greet me a happy birthday. Well, now the thing is I rather have a funeral, rather than to fake a smile with people giving me anxiety and depression.

Did I mention that birthdays are just a privilege for you to keep doing shit? People nowadays are hypocrites, dragging people down in their heads to comfort their insecurities. Thinking they're doing better than others, and when their shits starts falling apart, they think it's the end of the world, but it's actually the end of their world.

I know that I mention a lot of etceteras, but most importantly, why I hate birthdays is because I don't want to live anymore, knowing that tomorrow same shit will happen. When you think you could do something better, but you realized that you're just one in a billion people thinking the same thing but no shit is happening.

I don't wanna live anymore, knowing the next day I will struggle on the same shit, knowing I'll be facing the same problem. It's like a horror film, but on a loop, the same nightmare you kept on dreaming.

I don't wanna live anymore, knowing that a lot of good people deserve this life more than me.

But no matter how much I pray for the last day of my life, I still keep waking up in this body, mind, and soul.

-7/27/21

See you.