Insomnia.

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by Francette27

by Francette27

Having insomnia isn't a new thing for me, it's a blessing to be able to sleep early and wake up early without feeling groggy.

To be honest, ever since I regained the sense of consciousness I became afraid of the dark. It feels like something is wrong and you can't point it out since you can't see anything. The more you stay calm, the more you imagine some worse case scenario and it probably has 0.00000001% that it'll happen.

What's worse than that, is dreaming something that you've imagine, and end up having one of those bad days, just because you woke up in the wrong side of bed. Don't forget to mention about overthinking before going to sleep, and waking up feeling like doing nothing that day.

I remember when I was in eighth grade in high school, I wasn't able to sleep at all and I was sleep deprived in whole 2 months. Every night I would always try to sleep, however, my consciousness wouldn't let me. It's a battle for me night, after night, but I can't seems to win this ongoing battle between me and my subconsciousness.

Overthinking things that may not be rational at all, but my subconsciousness keeps me thinking about that. Sometimes, I think this is the sign that I really must desperately need therapy. Who does keep thinking and overthinking things that I am quite aware that those things won't really happen in the future? Me!

That time I would always go to school being energized with coffee, since it's the best resort I could ever have. I would always feel calm and relax, since my consciousness would be alleviated for the fact that I wasn't late, nor I missed my alarm. Yet, I could always feel my pulse and my heartbeat racing for a couple of minutes. (a couple of minutes is an understatement, tbh.) While, I would feel that my body is inside a boat, that is facing a lot of aggressive waves, pushing the boat in different directions. I would always feel nauseous and wishing this feeling would just stop. I must say, I must sacrifice my body for preventing myself sleeping in my classes and for being able to have active mind.

Well, its quite ironic for me having a huge contrast to my day and night situation. Wanting to sleep at night, but I can't; Having to drink coffee in the morning to prevent me from sleeping, which is the one I need the most. Even I couldn't understand, how was I able to survive that? A repetitive routine for me, that keep deteriorating my health and my mental state.

I remember having frequently nosebleeds, and fever, for the result of me not being able to properly take care of my body. Although in my defense, I also don't have any idea how to properly take care of myself or how to manage myself from overthinking a lot. I guess my only cure is to keep trying to be better, when it comes to my health, until my health gradually becomes better.

Being able to sleep better with a peace of mind, is a blessing for a lot of people. Don't ever take it for granted!

- 12/1/21

Greetings!

First and foremost, I recovered from being sleep deprived and if you need help, please comment and I'll try to help you as possible! Second, I want to let people know that they're not alone struggling from insomnia. Third, I really am not suitable for consistent updates so please be patient with me!