Anagapesis

Linkin

To: Linkin

I still remember our first conversation, I believe nakikipag 1v1 ml ka nun and I also thought you were younger than me kasi I you were familiar na parang nakita na kita sa grade 6 classroom sa school natin pero mali pala ako. So I remember playing ml with you tapos natalo ako nun, akala ko nga last na yun but turns out naging friends tayo to the point na we felt comfortable to tell our problems to each other and how we got each others back.

It was my first time having a guy friend that I felt comfortable and safe enough to trust. You payed so much attention to me and cared for me was the reason why I developed feelings for you, matagal na talaga kita nagustuhan nun but I was holding myself back because I was afraid na baka masira ko ang friendship natin lalo na you were one the best friends I've ever had kaya hinayaan ko lang muna.

It got into some point na napagod na din ako, ever since I liked you tapos nag memention ka ng ibang girls really made me upset a lot hanggang tumigil ako sa pag chat sayo kasi I thought if iniwasan kita I could move on. I still remember putting you in my ignore messages pero I would still check if nag message ka haha and you did, you texted me in different time stamps and I felt guilty kaya kinausap ulit kita and I thought makakaya ko lang muna pero you never stopped hurting me.

I always asked my friends Tattiana, Torisse, and Elyce some advice if I should confess pero at the end of the day I'm the one who decides that. It just got to some point na I did confess but I wasn't expecting anything, I just thought that maybe if I get rejected I could finally be able to move on but his answer was quite surprising. Sabi mo you'll give me a chance pero ikaw yung manliligaw.

Everything went fine nung first week namin, parang awkward parin sakin because he was my friend before nagka something kami and he was very different nung friends palang kami he was clingy and sobrang shy ko noon. You might be asking na bakit hindi kami nag work out? It was because of me.

I never really expected talaga na he'll give me a chance and I thought that I was ready though he said that we should take things slowly I really did try but I was scared because I don't know kailan ako magiging ready. I was also very insecure back then lalo na yung pag m-myday niya ng girls made me insecure because in my perspective I thought I should be that pretty for him to like me. I always overthink it always scared me, he sometimes doesn't give time for me which made think I was boring and I was traumatized from my past of how he was only with me because he was scared to tell me that he doesn't like me.

It scared me na baka ganon din sayo because we were friends and I thought you were scared to do have a conversation to me but I know you reassured me na you will not be like my past na you will not ghost me and that you would talk to me if kailangan.

I thought I was always the kind of person na hindi muna nagiisip bago mag desisyon because I gave up so soon at sa part pa na time na you said you were starting to like me. I still remember how you tried to fight for me pero sa huli you still respected my decisions, I just wanna let you know na hindi lang ikaw yung nasaktan nung araw na yun, ako din.

But I chose myself first and for the better of you, trust me it wasn't a selfish and easy decision kasi pinagisipan ko muna nun kahit di lang nagtagal. It was unfair of me to continue about us when I wasn't in my right state of mind and that I felt like you were starting to get to attached habang ako parang ayaw ko lang muna. I also realized na I needed more time for myself though I know I should really take me time pero I was always just waiting for you.

You know I thought you were that thing called "Right Person at the Wrong Time." because even if you only gave me a small time you still gave me time, you reassured me, you treated me well na kahit ako yung umamin it always felt like it was you because you showed more than I do. You helped me think na not all guys were like my past and also you were a huge part that really helped me be a better version of myself kaya I was always thankful of you.

Pinaka masakit na sinabi mo would be the answer to my last question, "Can we still be friends?" but you said no and naiintindihan ko yun ng sobra. Hindi ko talaga makakalimutan yung lahat na pinakita mo sakin. I still feel like I wasted us pero I think it was a good decision for the both of us. I hope you find someone who's ready and show her the world that she deserves. I still wish we could be friends pero baka hindi na pero I already accepted sa nangyari noon and I'm very much better now eto na ba yung glow up? hindi sa appearance but the mindset hehe skl sana sayo din, thank you sa lahat forever thank you and I wish napatawad mo na din ako if you ever hated me.

-Zaddie2021