Anagapesis

Elias

To: Elias

I probably had the biggest crush on this guy since I literally saw him everyday in school. He was my classmate for three years and I believe I liked him every since the first year of us being classmates. Mag kaibigan kami noon pero hindi kami as in close na close pero he use to tease me a lot and he'd always compare our scores every after examinations and usually I get the higher scores kasi ako naman talaga mas matalino haha charot. I think naging close talaga kami kasi lagi naman niya sinasabi sakin yung mga crush niya and we also talk a lot in messenger.

Maputi siya, matangkad, chubby, cute, and very sporty. I still remember naging moreno siya dahil sa camping nila haha na miss ko talaga yung pagiging puti niya. I still remember some memories namin na kinilig ako ng sobra. There was this one time na pinapakuha kami ng libro and nagkasabay kami nun pumunta sa shelf kung saan nandoon mga libro namin syempre nauna siya kaya naghintay lang ako sa tabi niya and lucky for him nasa taas lang yung libro niya while yung akin nasa baba. I thought he already left habang trinatry ko itaas yung mga nasa ibabaw na libro but instead siya yung kumuha ng libro ko and I just stood sa tabi niya while he got my book.

I also felt like he was staring at me all the time pero you know baka feeling lang ako haha ganda lang! but then it was this event where we were required to dance kaya nag practice practice kami non and some of my friends would say "Uy, kikinita hi Elias haim." which means Elias keeps looking at me daw and I was you know as usual denying it pero sa loob talaga kinikilig na ako nun hehe then my friend did something na na shock talaga ako. He went to Elias AND ASKED WHY HE KEPT STARING AT ME. I don't really remember na pero he was making excuses nun and like left.

My most memorable memory of him nung crush ko pa siya would be one time nung foundation week. Di pa ako nun makakauwi kasi it was the night were my mom was going to perform their team color dance performance and I didn't know din why he stayed too basta me and my friends planned to play badminton after classes nun pero umuwi din sila but while we were playing dumaan sila nung dati kung crush and they played with us.

Sobrang competative ko nun mag badminton as in hindi ako nagpapatalo kaya lagi ko siyang natatalo but he still played with me probably because he wanted to beat me haha! pero medj nagabihan na nun mga 5 pm na ata yun. So I still remember him saying ichecheck daw lang niya sa gate kasi baka nandito na yung parents niya, di na ako umasa nun na babalik pa yun haha kaya umupo muna ako sa sahig sa hallway ng mga classrooms.

I just sat there and used my phone and surprisingly bumalik siya, I don't know if tumabi ba siya nun sakin di ko na masyadong na aalala pero yeah that was fun, I really had fun that day.

So nag-quarantine na yun na time, It was classes pa din pero since dumadami na yung cases sa lugar namin we had to learn from home. I was still talking to him that time alam mo na chat chat ganon basta I was still friends with him that time.

It was finally our summer break, me and my niece Tattiana decided to plan a sleepover which did happen in our grandma's house. Everything happened as a usual sleepover until nung isang gabi na na bored kami so we had a stupid idea that we did at 12 fucking am. We decided to confess to our crushes and eto si tanga naging desperado and I had my hopes up that night.

I always had the feeling that we had mutual feelings pero hindi ko lang yun pinansin kasi baka umaasa lang ako nun and I was pretty insecure back then, I use to always down myself. So ayun na nga it was my first time confessing to someone I liked so eto si tanga tanga iyong kapatid niyang kuya yung humawak at nag chat sa ex crush ko. I trusted them so much na sila yung pina-handle ko sa conversation namin:/ but I wasn't really an expert back then kasi nga first time ko yun and I didn't know na there was already an answer pero si tanga naniwala sa kapatid na wala naman palang alam.

I failed to realize na yung chat niya na "naging crush din kita pero noon yun." that yun yung na fail kung makita that I really was so new to it na akala ko gusto niya rin ako. We chatted but he was different from before, he only chatted me sometimes and lagi siyang may reason kung bakit siya di nakakapagchat sometimes hindi nga kami mag chachat ng isang araw until to the point na sineseen nalang niya yung messages ko.

My last message sakanya was telling him to talk to me ganon like I already had the feeling na napipilitan lang siya nun and that he didn't have the courage to bring it up kasi again we were friends din maybe it was hard for him to be honest sakin and maybe he was scared to hurt me kaya maybe ghosting was his only choice.

Though masakit yun kasi that time it was my first time and it really broke me kasi everyday I always doubted myself kung saan ba ako nagkamali. I blamed myself noon that I was unexperienced and boring, so if you're reading this never ghost someone just be a man and a woman and confront your partners. Communication is a must in relationships to avoid misunderstandings and self doubt.

I am never a type of person who cries for a guy but it's maybe because I'm not in love yet but I was secretly always asking myself of what I did wrong for him to do that to me. Though I still don't know the answer now, I already have an idea of why he did that and I already forgive him.

Life's to short to hold grudges, naka move on din ako and I learned a lot of things after nun. Though everything ended through a read message I wouldn't be were I am today, if those didn't happen some part of me is thankful to him because he made me a better and a stronger person.

So thank you Elias hopefully ngayon alam mo na makipag communication no! be a man and communicate. I wish you luck and I hope you treat your future someone better than what you did to me, no to ghosting na ah! also I still wanna be friends with you pero baka awkward na no? pero thank you din for inspiring me na pumasok lagi sa school noon charot! bye na nga kulit n2.

-Zaddie2021