Where you belong

Where you belong chapter 6

Where you belong Chapter 6.

　

Looking at her just now, seemed like it had been years since the last time I saw her. She was a little different, her hair had gotten longer, and she lost the bimbo blonde of it, and settled for a honey beach babe blonde look and she looked fantastic. "You look so good! I really love your hair!." I said to her as we broke off from our embrace. "Thanks. Yeah a lot has changed with me. So how are you?" she said and I swear I could actually see a look of real concern swim in her blue eyes down on me.

I kind of did this gulp/choke action/sound at her question. I wasn't really sure I had an actual answer for her, could I really sum up my entire shitty impossible ordeal-life to her in a word or two? I don't even know for how long I've endured all of this, I don't even know what day it is. "Well?..." she prodded and I was forced to look at her like a child who has to tell their parents the really bad thing they've done, and completely defenseless, I felt the hot burning tears sting my eyes and spill over when they were unable to contain themselves any longer in my sad pitiful eyes. I opened my mouth trying to speak and after it failed me I tried once again, "N-not good Ashley. Not good." my voice quivered and broke, and I really didn't want too, but I was left with absolutely no choice...

...I broke down completely in front of my sometimes-mostly never-only friend Ashley.

At first she looked on helplessly and quite uncomfortably on at me, but then something changed inside her eyes and it slowly yet effectively crept down her face and she leaned into me arms extended. That made it worse, I cried much harder, baffled at her kindness, never really had experienced it but it was much more than welcomed, it was absolutely treasured.

A long while later, her hugging me and patting my hair down and fetching tissues for the tsunami's of snots that poured out of me, I finally spoke.

"It's really bad, and I don't know what to do. I am in so way over my head it left me breathless and completely defenseless. I really don't know what to do. I don't have anyone, and please don't be mad, but I honestly never thought you'd be here sitting next to me holding me and handing me tissues, like ever in my life. Like EVER." I was a little apprehensive to say that to her, but after all that's happened a lot has changed inside me, and new parts and pieces of me have been emerging and surfacing, and this me telling her the honest truth, was so new and totally needed to be done. I knew it in my gut.

I reluctantly looked on at her expecting her to get pissed, collect an attitude and huff out, hop off my bed and stomp out with a very loud and crude 'Fuck you bitch!' but....

It never did come.

Suddenly her face fell a little and her head turned towards the bed, almost in a shame filled way. Whoa... what was going on?

Still she hadn't said anything and I asked her "So how did you know I was here?" I said it to both relieve the awkwardness that had steamed the air around us and to also actually and genuinely find out the answer. I really wanted to know why, not that I wasn't absolutely grateful. Just completely curious.

Her head came up and even though the completeness of the look she had just held in her face, was greatly softened it hadn't dissipated, not even close. "Well shit, I could go ya know." she said it but it wasn't like the normal Ashley-I -could-give-two-fucks-about-you-and-I'll-prove-it-skank attitude, it was almost disappointing really. There was absolutely no gusto in it at all. There really was something here, something just wasn't right, maybe Ashley had really changed...

"No, I didn't mean it like that I just...you know." I finished with a shoulder shrug, and she nodded in understandment and again we found ourselves looking silently and strongly at each other. "Yeah ok, I know. It was actually Mrs. Welch, you know the guidance counselor?" she ended it in a question because of the look the stole my face I'm sure, but I knew most definitely who Mrs. Welch was, she helped me so much...and it was all for nothing really. I took a really hard deep breath because I feared that if I lost it again, I would truly stay gone this time, and I really didn't want the drugs again. It took every ounce of strength I had to muster and harbor it so I wouldn't go off the deep, deep end.