Bully

Chapter 15: Bad coping skills

**ABRIELLE'S POV**

"Abrielle, we can't help you until you help us understand." Brent softly stated

I sighed heavily. They were all so sweet and kind and didn't appear to be angry with me. Maybe they were different. Maybe if I tell them just a little then that will be enough and they'll quit asking me questions.

"I don't have the best coping skills, ok? I was startled by Shawn and Michael and accidently cut too deep. That's all." I quickly stammered

"There's more to it than that, isn't there?" Zach stated, looking at me with a sad expression

I just shrugged, "Can't we just leave it at I have bad coping skills?"

"That's not going to help you. Why do you have bad coping skills? What can we do to help you?" Brent replied

Our waitress arrived, thankfully, so they temporarily dropped the conversation. I slowly ate, enjoying the wonderful steak, and braced myself for being made fun of for the way I ate. They talked about the show later that night and of the next city. I was the last to finish eating, as I was taking my time to actually enjoy my meal, and after I was done we headed back to the bus. Apparently they didn't have any interviews or anything to do. Zach helped me into the passenger seat before we got going.

As we approached the bus I knew that they would be bringing up the conversation that they'd started back at the restaurant. They weren't going to let this go. We got settled in the "front lounge" where Eric handed me a few of my pills. I took them with the Gatorade that Zach had proceeded to hand me.

"Ok, Darlin', you have to talk to us. You said that you had accidentally cut yourself too deep. Let's start with why you cut in the first place." Brent gently stated

His voice was calm and soft which sort of confused me.

"Like I said, I have bad coping skills." I retorted

"Abrielle, we simply want to understand what you're feeling and what you're going through. You have to be honest with us for that to happen, OK?" Barry softly stated

"It... it's my way of dealing with deep distress and emotional pain." I finally stated, looking down, "Like I said before, I have bad coping skills."

"This is a good start. What else can you tell us about it?" Barry asked

I sighed hating having to put these things into words. Surely they were going to look down on me for this. Everyone at home would!

"Sometimes it's a way to have control over my body when I can't control anything else in my life." I shamefully explained

"Abrielle, I want you to do something for me." Zach stated before waiting for me to look up at him, "Whenever you feel the urge to cut, come to one of us. All you have to do is tell us that you're feeling this way. We'll sit with you. If you wanna talk about why you're suddenly feeling the urge to cut yourself we'll happily listen. If you just wanna sit there and cry, we'll hold you while you do. If you simply need someone to just sit there in silence with you then that's what we'll do. OK? Can you promise us that?"

I sat there and thought about what he had said. Could I do that?

"It doesn't matter what time of day or night it is. Even if you have to wake one of us up, do it! I promise you, it won't make us mad! Your well-being is our top priority. You can even go to Jake if we're all doing interviews or something." Barry added in

I swallowed hard. There was no one on the planet who wouldn't be mad at being woken up for some lame chick's emotional issues. Zach moved to kneel in front of me. He took both my hands in his and I noticed there were tears in his eyes.

"I understand it's a huge thing to promise and that you probably feel like your problems and pain and all aren't worth coming to us with. Like Barry said, your well-being, physical, mental, and emotional, is our top priority. All we want to do is help you in any way that we can and that you'll allow us to." Brent said, giving me a soft, warm smile

I finally nodded my head that I'd come to them when I felt like hurting myself. It was odd to hear a collective sigh of relief. Like they were all truly worried about me and were happy I'd agreed to come to them with my petty issues. Barry urged me to drink my Gatorade. I drank as much as I could before the tiredness hit me again. There was school work I needed to do but suddenly I felt as if I couldn't keep my eyes open. Seeing the state I was in, Zach stood up and helped me walk to the bunk area. He even got my bag out so I could find my pajamas.

He gave me a hug as he reassured me that they all liked me, were worried about me, and wanted to understand and help me. I quietly thanked him and said I was going to change into my jammies and lay down. He hoped I'd go to their show tonight but honestly I felt so drained all I wanted to do was sleep. After I changed clothes I went to the bathroom to empty my bladder since I didn't honestly know when I'd wake up again. When I made it back to the bunk area, I found the cocky pillow pet that Eric travelled with sitting on my bed. It got there somehow. As I crawled into my bed, I cuddled with the pillow pet that smelled so much like Eric!