Boris Johnson and Matt Hancock, a love story like no other

The Morning After...

"So...", muttered Boris. It was 10AM and Boris was talking to himself because he is a nutcase. "Woah Bojo, what happened last night...did you really have Matt HanCOCKs big politician purple penis in his oesophagus at 2am... and did you really let him stuff his whole head in your butthole...woah...dream come true,"...he cackled like the Wicked Witch of the West. Then, in walked in baby boy...Daddy Matt. "Here you go baby," Matt bellowed into a megaphone right next to be Bojo's ear whilst handing him an empty cup, "lol I drank your coffee." "Tee-hee your such a silly goose daddy." "You had more than enough to drink last night anyway..." whispered Matty boy, and then uncontrollably farted and shit himself, "whoops," he cried, "ugh why does this keep happening." "EWEWHUDNEOUFCJBDIUHDJWBCISUHAXPOGDYVBHJ!!" yelled Boris, "yuck, why would you do that I thought you didn't shit... also you know I only like my shit...Ugh," squealed Boris...he had an enormous temper tantrum and threw Matt out of the window. "DON'T COME BACK BRUH," he barked like a dog. 
 What was Boris doing... he threw him from the second floor, what if he had broken his foot. The sad truth is that he had and now he wasn't ok, I promise. Boris checked his old Nokia merged with a Samsung grenade and realised...HOLY SHIT IT WAS THE PHOTOGRAPH HIS BOYFRIEND HAD TAKEN! "Damn my hair looks good in this picture where it isn't in shot," he mumbled with a psychotic smile. Within a few minutes of Boris looking through his dead camera roll he got bored because he has no attention span and randomly pulled out his flute from his mouth, where he'd been hiding it for safekeeping, he started playing the main theme from "Morning Mood" by Edvard Grieg. 

Then he realised...MATT!!! He turned into number 5 (from the numberjacks) and went to see his boyf...he was lying on the pavement, on top of all the cracks, holes and old gum. "Maybe I should spend some money on improving the quality of the pavements and roads instead of spending on bad PPE, illegal holidays and dildos..." said big Boris, "LOL NAHHHHH," he yelled.  Matt didn't look  very good like this, why is he doing that? thought Boris. He shook Matt's shoulders, blew on him with some magic Boris healing confetti, "WALK" he bellowed so loud that an earthquake began in Iceland but he didn't care cause he hates Iceland. Matt got up, shit on Boris and leaped away like a deer. "WAIT," cried Boris, "BABY I'M SORRY!, I CAN'T GALLOP LIKE YOU PLEASE RETURN TO MY ARMS!!!" Matt pivoted on his left heel, he zoomed back faster than the speed of light, "really?"

"YES" 

"woah... never thought anyway would notice and compliment my deer leaping...Boris," he got down on one knee, "I don't care about the grass stains on my overpriced suit, MARRY ME!... you'll be ok with all my affairs though right?"
"YESYEYSUHENDOISUHYESYEY CAN'T WAIT TO GET MY FLOWY DRESS! THE CORPSE OF CHRIS WHITTY AND MARGARET THATCHER CAN BE THE FLOWER GIRLS!!! YUMMMYYYYY" yelped Boris. The two kissed, they did anal again.