Safe (BatBoys)

Love Sick

Tim's POV:

My head is leaning on the cool surface of the toilet lid. I feel better now but the shame diminishes that relief.

I can't look at Jason, but I can feel his peircing gaze on my back. Instead I glare at the bottle of water that has been placed on the floor beside me. I thought I told him to leave.

"Why are you still here?" I mumble, almost flinching at how awful my voice sounds. I hear a sigh behind me.

"I care about you." He replies. My face sours. 

"Not the same way." I mumble. My head is killing me. My chest hurts just as much, but for different reasons.

He said he loves me, but he also used to hate me. It probably evens out to a brotherly love. He doesn't love me like I love him. Not to mention I was, and probably still am, drunk. He could have just said it out of pity.

"Yes, in the same way." He says firmly. I stay silent. He's not getting it.

"I don't love you like a brother, Jay." I remind. He groans in frustration.

"I don't love you like a brother either. For someone so smart you sure are dense." He says.

With a groan I sit up straighter. Grabbing the water bottle fiercely, I chug it. I need to get the nauseating taste out of my mouth. I just want him to go away so I can wallow in peace.

"You don't need to pity me." I state. I swish around some more water.

"It's not pity, Tim." Jason says, obviously exasperated. It's now that I face him.

He has a hand in his hair, his eyes are downcast to the floor. He's sitting hunched over on the side of my bathtub. I cross my arms. I wish he would just say what he really feels.

"If it's not pity then what? Why would you need to be sorry?" I ask, shame flooding my heated face. I just need him to go.

"I wasn't sorry for not returning your feelings dumbass. I was sorry that I didn't figure out how you felt about me earlier. I mean I could have saved us both so much pining!" He says, his hand gripping his hair tighter.

"Why would you be pining! I'm the one getting rejected here!" I say, frustration building in my chest.

"Oh, sweet mother fucker! You're not! That's what I've been trying to tell you! I'm not rejecting you!" Jason yells.

"Only because you pity me!" I shout back. It hurts.

Jason stands, making me take a step back. His eyes are intense and his jaw is clenched. He strides towards me quickly and I shut my eyes out of instinct.

I feel something crash into my lips. It's soft and as my eyes shoot open I realize why.

Jason's closed eyes are inches from mine and it takes me a full second to register that he's kissing me.

He's kissing me.

Within the next second my arms are around his neck, his hands are resting on my sides. My eyes flutter closed as I kiss back.

I don't care why he's kissing me, I'm going to enjoy this. I don't care if he never kisses me again, he's kissing me now.

It's a blissful eternity before we break apart. His steel blue eyes stare reverently into mine as he leans our foreheads together.

"I want to hold your hand, and call you handsome. I want to kiss you until you're breathless. I want to hold you tightly and never let go. I want to call you mine. I want you, Tim. The good, the bad, all of it." He pleads.

My heart is hammering in my chest. My head is spinning and it's not from the whiskey. My legs feel weak and my arms are still around his shoulders.

"You can have it." I breathe. I give in, my resolve buckling. Maybe he does like me. Maybe it's not pity. Maybe we can do this.

"Thank fuck. I thought you were going to push me away again." He replies breathlessly. His head slips to my shoulder. I stand on my tip toes so he's not straining his neck.

"God no. No way in hell am I letting you slip away from me. You want me, you're not gonna get rid of me." I say, breathing clearly for what feels like the first time.

"I don't want to get rid of you, Timbers. I just want to hold you. And see how you're feeling." He says, pulling back just enough to look at me.

"Better than I have in a long time." I reply, a grin splitting my face.

"Perfect." He gives me a small kiss. "But seriously are you still tipsy or anything?" He asks, concern lacing his features.

"Uh, a little light headed I guess? Other than that I feel fine." I report, starting to come down from my high.

"Let's get you back to bed then. Sleep off the rest of the alcohol." Jason instructs. I rest my head on his shoulder. I am starting to feel a little tired.

"Alright. But you're still cuddling with me." I demand. He chuckles lightly.

"Of course. I'm not letting you go." He says as if it's obvious. True to his word, instead of walking back he carries me.

We settle onto the bed and I curl into him. He's so warm and I fit just right in between his shoulders. His arms wrap around me and our legs intertwine.

I feel at ease and peaceful. This isn't the first time we've layed like this, but it is the first time we've cuddled as...

"Hey Jay?" I ask softly. He mumbles acknowledgment. "What are we now?"

"What do you want us to be?" He questions. I don't need to consider it for too long.

"Boyfriends?" I propose.

"Boyfriends it is. I love you, Tim." He states. I feel my cheeks heat up.

"I love you too, Jay." I say, a giddy feeling rising in my chest.

I don't sleep right away. Instead I bask in his warmth and everything that just happened. I need to tell Cora what happened. Oddly enough, she's my hype girl.

I just hope that when I wake up it wasn't a dream.