𝐔𝐍𝐁𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐃 [18+]

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐗𝐋𝐈𝐈𝐈

*Sorry in advance*

MADISON

Setting foot back in San Diego. Setting foot back to reality. Setting foot back to where my home belonged. But not anymore.

Decisions are not always what we are told. That once we decide upon them our minds will feel completely sure. That, my friends, is bullshit. You may be about to make the biggest decision of your life and feel completely sure about it, yet your mind plays tricks with you, making you ask whether or not that the decision is the right one.

I was feeling exactly that, yet I wasn't completely sure.

The airport air felt cold, my steps count down, my chest constricted with an unfamiliar anxiety. I had texted Aaron I didn't want him to pick me up from the airport, I would just arrive "home" and see him there, that it would be better like that. He agreed, and all I felt was regret.

My suitcase trailed behind me, my heart as well, as I took an Uber to come to the place where all my worries were held.

I opened that door which I had grown so accustomed to, only for at the end of the day to open it again but not to get in. I was paralyzed my feet stuck until I felt the warmth of a body I had grown to know envelop me. He was warm and tight and sweet. But he wasn't right. Right?

He wasn't the fairytale prince, he wasn't the husband. My mind was so suffocated into the idea of what love should be like that I had not notice that the love of my life was the one embracing me in a hug.

But in that fairytale land my mind was drowning into, I didn't think of the what ifs, only of the way to break it to him. And break his heart.

"How was San Diego? Your Mom?" His caring and understanding flew from my mind, I didn't want to grasp on hopes and ideas only for them to be broken apart. I wasn't going to take long, I was going to postpone the sadness and misery. I wouldn't wait three days, a week, searching for something to say and deceive his heart and mind. What I was about to do may have been seen as the dumbest and cruelest thing to some, but I preferred hurting him like this than prolonging the suffering and using him when he was much more than that.

"Aaron, uhm, I need to talk. To tell you something." Blue eyes. Blue eyes stared at me with so much feeling among the other ones he had looked at me with. Blue eyes that have darkened when he was driving into me in forceful thrusts, blue eyes that lurked at me when he tightened me up and showed me how pain and pleasure were so deeply intertwined. Blue eyes that crinkle with laughter when I told him an unfunny joke. Blue eyes that I saw staring at his son with so much love the world couldn't comprehend.

And blue eyes that looked now worried as they stared at me. I wanted them to stare at me in a different way, wanted them to show the love I was trying to hold down thinking that I deserved a "normal" life.

"We should get your thing accommodated first, you should eat something. I could prepare toasts." But it was too late. I had already sent a message to Ember asking her if I could stay with her for a few days before I could find an apartment. I told her I had enough money to move now and that had been the initial plan, for me to move away once I had enough. But she knew, and I knew I would have to tell her the truth. And I would, bu first I had to let the words out to Aaron.

"I don't want to draw it out anymore, and I'm not even sure how to say this." His shoulders sagged slightly for someone unbothered to noticed, and his eyebrows furrowed. "I'm leaving." And I saw with those two words his world crump down. He didn't say anything but I didn't need for him to say anything to understand the confusion that was clouding his mind.

"I—uhm. I have enough money to be able to move and...want this to end." My eyes watered and I knew there weren't any words created in earth for me to use to tell him wat I felt. "I'm sorry, this..."